Hello all, I am back, eating solid food again (who knew it tastes so good!) and although still weak from eating nothing but three hot dog buns, ten saltine crackers, and a piece of toast over the course of five days last week, I have officially turned the corner. Nothing a little green tea, cough drops, and a celebratory “I can eat again!” pizza can’t cure.
So just a short post for today.
Being out for a while means that I end up reading and responding to queries in bulk, and thus I’m much more attuned to trends. And the current query trend isn’t a good one: people are mentioning that they read the blog but then, when writing their query, ignore everything I have ever said in it.
Don’t get me wrong: I do not expect people to read every single post I have ever written before querying. But I do hope queriers mentioning it will at least read the essentials and make a stab at conforming to the query guidelines.
If you haven’t taken the time to familiarize yourself with the suggestions or attempt to follow them, it’s probably best that you don’t mention the blog at all. At least that way I won’t be confused.
Amen, brother.
Good advice. Glad you're feeling better.
Ha! Beaten you to it. In my infinite number of queries I have yet to mention an agent's blog, also because I started querying long before blogs were invented. On the other hand I have always mentioned this magical phrase: "In accordance with your guidelines…" However, it hasn't done me any good has it?
Nathan. Nathan….
Nathan's back! Nathan's back! Hey, everybody, Nathan's back! Nathan's back! Whoo Hoo! Yippee! Yea! WhaHoo! Eeeeee! Happy, happy, happy! Nathan's back! Yay!!!
Er….I mean. Welcome back, Nathan.
Wow, a stomach flu plus. Boy that so sucks. There are few things that will make you feel as miserable as that. You have my total sympathy. I'm really glad you're feeling better.
I know you may not have meant it this way, but this post was a little funny.
Maybe when you're feeling even better you can tell us specifically what people are ignoring….unless it's everything.
So good to have you back and getting well!
I would send you some chicken noodle soup, but I'm really not that great of a cook and I'd hate for you to have a relapse.
Glad you're feeling better. Hope it continues. (We need our 'Nathan Fix' for the day)
Welcome back, Mr. Bransford. Glad you are feeling better.
Welcome back to the land of the living.
I have devoured all your query posts, so I think I'm in the clear.
WV: blogate
Welcome back, Nathan. I missed you.
I read every single post. But I do try to read other agents' blogs and find them hard to get through. Yours are entertaining and fun to read, and that makes a huge difference.
As for the guidelines, I suspect this will be another case of preaching to the converted. Those who are here every day commenting are the ones who follow the guidelines.
Miso soup, Nathan! It's great too. Seriously take it easy though. Flu really can kick your *ss for a long time.
And, yes. Chalk up another point for following directions.
Welcome back, glad to hear you are feeling better.
I queried you after reading only a few posts. I liked your writing and sense of humor, and I could tell you'd be open to my story. I shouldn't have done it though. I wasn't familiar enough, and I feel ridiculous for the way I worded the query – which I assume, and sincerely hope, you don't remember.
I'm happily agented now, but I'm still convinced a writer would be lucky to have you on their side. I've been reading a lot about trying to rush the publication process (esp. regarding querying before you're a polished writer). I sincerely hope people take heed and read you for a while before they query. It's good sense and common courtesy. Plus, this is a business of patience, and you might as well practice that from the beginning!
What the hell am I going to do with all that pink query paper?
wordver: bininis. Bikinis made out of panini bread, very popular in California and used mostly for… no, maybe I shan't go there.
Yeah I'm sure if I were to send a query I would probably blunder my way through it the same way. Think, "Hey I'll mention that I read his blog; that will get his attention!" and then commit every flagrant foul you try so hard to help us prevent. Oh well.
I've enjoyed reading your blog. Glad your better.
Pizza after having stomach flu? Dude, are you trying to kill yourself?
Glad you're feeling better. Sounds like you had quite a virus.
I've yet to query anyone [young writer here – experience only, not age] but I can't imagine sticking strictly to the guidelines. Does not compute! If I ever query you [or anyone else] I will ensure I do my homework. 🙂
Ah, welcome back and lang may yer lum reek, as we say in Glasgow. In response to the comment that there is nothing worse than stomach flu plus, (Mira), I beg to differ. Some years ago I bought twenty oysters at an oyster fair. I had ten on the Saturday, the next ten on the Sunday. On Monday morning, I was ill beyond my wildest fears. I left my death bed only to evacuate the oysters from the top and bottom orifices available to me. Luckily the sink was located very close to the loo and both functions could be performed simultaneously – however, there was always the fear of imploding due to the violent retching and parping at the same time.
After crawling back to my pit I would wait in fear for the crippling stomach pains that indicated another trip to the loo whereupon, much to my distress, I would repeat the process. I was in and out of bed so much that I wore a track into the carpet between the bed and the en-suite loo – quite helpful when I was almost in a coma from dehydration and needed only to operate in autopilot for my brain was busy keeping my major organs going to fight the onslaught on my system. All morning I was terrified I would die. By midday I was terrified that I wouldn’t. So you see, some things are just too awful to bear. The post traumatic stress that I suffered has ensured that to date, no oyster has passed my lips. But it’s a darned good way to lose weight though. Hopefully you are on the mend and ready for action. Nice to see you back.
You can't fool me. I know that you don't want us to join arms and march in lock step to your fascist rules. You really want free spirits, demonstrating our creativity in the querying process. Therefore, mine will be the one on black paper covered with yellow wing dings. Yeah, that's the ticket and with a picture of Morgan Fairchild. Yeah!
Glad you're feeling better!
Maybe someday the trends will change and there will be more writers who take the time to read the agent guidelines. 🙂
Stomach flu. Ick.
My sympathies.
And I KNOW I didn't put any rhetorical questions in my e-query….. so that can't be making your head hurt worse. 😉
Take it easy Nathan – wheat and cheese together after illness? Pizza is flashy but doesn't follow health related guidelines!
Get Mira to read through the backlog of queries – you know she is keen to sta… – be useful!
Glad you're back. We were all concerned.
Please, please, please don't say that someone who claimed to read your blog opened his query with a rhetorical question. That would send an agent right back to his sick bed.
Nathan –
Welcome back! We really missed you – glad you're on the mend. 🙂
I know you're keeping it short today, but since you brought up queries (again! – ugh!), I'm just wondering… which guidelines are people ignoring the most? Rhetorical questions? Poor grammar? No compelling hook?
I'm not just morbidly curious – I've been trying for months now to learn the art of the query, and I'm afraid I'm still learning.
–Laura
P.S. Thanks, MOB, for that graphic tale of oyster woe. Being a New Orleans gal, I happen to LOVE raw oysters… and hope the day never comes when I have such a tale to tell. 🙁
Maybe you should set up an online submission form for your queries that has a Terms of Service check box
1. I've read the guidelines.
2. I haven't read the guidelines but I know you'll love my manuscript.
3. There are guidelines?
Glad you're on the mend. Perhaps some people's remark is misleading, an you're reading 'I read your blog', as an ongoing therefore with-the-intent-of-becoming-informed activity – present tense – as opposed to ' I read your blog', as in, once, ie: I noticed you have one and read the current post, past tense. Adequate research is sadly not such a short term activity.
Along similar lines, Janet Reid's had some really amusing posts recently, on what's not a query (for her) as well.
"Here's Why Your Query Got NO today" and What's not a query letter
Glad you're feeling human again. :)))
Glad you're feeling better. Welcome back.
Not sure what rules people are breaking exactly but I know that I read more than one facinating agent blog and everyone has a slightly different style and preference. Some want you to jump right into the story (Query Shark-Janet Reid) and others prefer you introduce yourself first. I try to combine all the advice and information from the most respected sources and just do the best I can. Of course at 1:00am everything looks good if a little blurry…..that might have been a mistake.
Hurrah, solid food!
Glad you're better; sounds like you suffered some profound icky last week.
You have a blog?
Fred
OOh, MOB, GROSSSSS!!! However, I would welcome a wee bit of a stomach flu for bathing suit season's purpose. 🙂 "I'm just a stomach flu away from my goal weight."
It's not so much that the ones I'm talking about are breaking a rule or two. It's more that they're playing a different sport.
Vacuum Queen –
That's my favorite line from "The Devil Wears Prada" – and, oh, so true! (only, I'd need three stomach flus in a row!) 🙁
Nathan –
Oh, well, that's a different story… wow, I find it hard to believe that people who frequently read your blog would make so many missteps all at once. I mean, I made some fairly awful blunders when I sent my query to you two months ago – but that was before I started reading your posts on a daily basis… I'd be hard-pressed to make the same mistakes today. Course, "new" mistakes are highly probable. 🙂
Maybe it's as Jen P. said – some writers just read one or two of your posts, and think that's enough research. As I'm gradually learning, one can never have too much research (although it can make the eyes bug out a bit).
–Laura
Nathan's back, back again. Nathan's back, tell your friends!!! Woot! Woot!
I wonder what people are thinking when they don't do research and start querying away. When I finally started querying I began to think that writing the MS was the easy part.
Now that I'm back to writing a new project I'm not so sure (Re: You Tell Me: When is your novel really finished).
But still, no matter how time consuming the writing or querying process is, it's important to do the research!
Welcome back, sorry you were feeling bad but glad you're better. This is good advice, but it probably needs to be filed under "really haven't read the blog at all". This seems to happen alot, despite the vast amount of information out here on the 'Net for us new writers to learn from.
Glad to hear you are still among the living.