Everyone in this business has to face rejections. A lot. Everyone talks about how (insert bestseller here) was passed on 27 thousand million times before it became a bestseller, so you know even bestselling authors face it.
So how do you deal with it? How do you move on? What helps?
Any favorite strategies to share with your fellow writers?
Need help with your book? I’m available for manuscript edits, query critiques, and coaching!
For my best advice, check out my online classes, my guide to writing a novel and my guide to publishing a book.
And if you like this post: subscribe to my newsletter!
Go to bed and don’t talk to anyone for a few hours. Start submitting again in the morning.
Jen, on the Janis Joplin thing, I see your point. The “Idol” shows do seem to level the playing field in looks––although it seems the current American crop has been manipulated in order to cash in on that alone. There is very little personality to speak of in the contestants, and they even changed the rules on the fly twice to include their own “slumdog millionaire” in the final touring group.
But Idol contestants are hardly “artists” by and large. They sing other people’s songs and don’t exactly spread enlightenment. They’re confections for kids, teens and tweens. Which is okay, but it’s kind of hard to compare them to some of the pop greats who made their mark by breaking ground and speaking for a generation. Maybe there’s nothing left to say?
And can I share the worst rejection I ever got? It was from a very notable agent who actually had his assistant Xerox a one-sentence form letter and email it to me at about 10x its original size. The download time made me think I’d gotten a submission contract, and when it came up, I could barely read it as it was blurry, too light, and very crooked.
How did I deal? I felt I’d dodged a bullet, to be frank.
Rejection? What’s rejection? I see it as one step closer to getting published.
A long drive, wherein I question why I exist.
You don’t take them seriously and have a full and rewarding life outside of your business.
When I have a short story or an article rejected (and it still happens!), I pop it back in the mail to the next market on my list as soon as possible so I can get that now-it-will-probably-sell feeling again. When I was still in the hunt for an agent, I used the same philosophy. This is a very subjective business. One rejection (or twenty) does not a career break. “Keep moving forward.”
First off, this is a great site. Props to Nathan Bransford for giving aspiring writers a place to share their thoughts.
I really enjoyed reading everyone’s comments. The Janis Joplin comparison was right on. Things have changed so sometimes the most talented people never get recognized.
Thanks for those that read my “rejection story” and those that responded. I will definitely keep writing! Thanks for the support!
If you haven’t read about my awful rejection experience, feel free to follow the link below:
https://thecorner33.blogspot.com/2008/09/15-seconds-of-fame.html
Reading about a $4,000,000 deal doesn’t help, I’ll tell you that! How can I tell myself “it’s the economy” when one author gets $4mm??
Rejections, at least for me, are milestones of trying. I realize the odds are that of winning a lottery and set aside wishes or hopes when I send queries out. My perception is validated when I get the standard form verbage back either by mail or e-mail that “at this time, my work does not fit what they are looking for, even after I have researched the agent for what they want.
I simply strive to do better, read as much as I can to see where I can improve, believe in my passion, read as many blurbs on book covers to help with my queries, and keep doing what I love…write.
The toughest is when you get requests for fulls then get a form rejection. What’s up with that? Surely an agent could take 2 minutes to give a little indication as to why “they just didn’t connect on an emotional level.” I wouldn’t expect a personalized rejection for a query or even a partial, but a full? It makes a writer feel they wasted their time and money. But, like everything else, I get over it within 5 minutes and move on. No sense in looking back. Onward and upward!
I feel for agents in this crazy game. I can’t even begin to imagine their workload during this Great Query Flood of ’09.
Chins up, everyone! If your story’s worthy, it will eventually be recognized.
Lis’Anne
Go shopping! For shoes!
Rejection can be motivating. If the rejection has personalized comments, I take what I can from it to improve my chances on another submission. A form rejection gets deleted; I can’t judge whether the manuscript needs work or wasn’t right for the person. Form rejections are pretty useless to the recipient but I suppose there’s no other quick and easy way to pass on a submission.
Hm. Judging from the comments here, I see the process of dealing with rejection is like dealing with grief – you go through stages, from denial to anger to fatigue to discouragement and finally, to weary acceptance. What gets accepted, of course, is the difference between published and unpublished writers – well, that, and at least a modicum of talent.
Those who accept rejection as part of the job will keep trying. Those who accept the message that they aren’t good enough, won’t.
I’m still stuck in fatigue. The whole thing makes me tired.
Cathy
I haven’t gotten any literary rejections yet, but I’m sure they’re in the offing.
The kind of rejections I have gotten are for jobs. The kind they still print out on 8-1/2″ x 11″ acid-free letterhead and sign with a fountain pen.
I rip them in quarters and use them for scrap. Either that or I put them in a three-hole punch face down, stick them in my white binder and write screenplay ideas on the backs.
back in the drawer
back in the closet
(Don’t
follow my wicked ways…)
I feel like I have diluted the ocean with a teardrop.
It feels difficult.
I question myself.
I keep on creating.
It helps to have low self esteem. That way you are surprised when someone actually likes your work.
I record it and say, ‘next!’ In the meantime I’m busy on my next project. This way I’m at least making progress somewhere else and that helps take some of the sting out of the rejections.
lissane, you’re scaring me. I’m still waiting on a full, and would at least think I’d get more than the same polite, perfunctory “piss-off” a query gets. To be honest, I’ve slipped into an expectation of being wholly forgotten. Now, if I do get something back, at least I’ll know they cared enough to cut me loose. 🙂
And nona, I once got a strip of paper with the rejection on it. It was like a abnormally large fortune from an abnormally large (mis)fortune cookie. As far as I can tell, they would rather spare a tree than the iota of dignity I lose for not deserving a full, 8.5 x 11 piece of paper.
Reading that back, I can kind of see their point now.
When I received my first rejection letter, I sat at my desk and cried. LOL…
Well, that was over 8 months ago. Now when I receive a rejection letter I smile, for I know without a doubt the agent is not for me(no offense intended). I need an agent who is enthusiastic about and can sell my work. If he or she cannot do it, I appreciate their honesty when they tell me so.
I wish to sign with someone who is as passionate about my work as I am. I do not wish for an agency to sign me only to become lost in their slush pile. I desire an agent who is motivated to sell my manuscript, and succeeds in doing so! It is kind of like looking for true love in a way… Hmm, makes you wonder.
So I continue my search. I continue to polish my novel. I continue to work on my query letter. One day, I will find my true love… I mean agent! LOL
Keep your head up, everyone! Happy Agent hunting!
Claudia
Since my first EVER rejection came in three minutes and twenty two seconds (thanks, Nathan..LOL ), I quickly bounced back and decided to send out two new queries for each rejection I got. I truly believe my characters’ story is worth the hard work and occasional thump over the head! So onward we go waiting for the next partial or full request!
Evenstarr1
Fascinating comments. Material for a book right here.
These days any agent response at all is a gift, even the much- Xeroxed, “dear writer: go die” variety.
We should treasure any personal response.
Olivia said it best. This is what a rejection means (ALL it means): “There’s about a million of us playing musical chairs with only five seats available.”
I just blogged about this on Tuesday!
I have a new system where I give myself points for rejections and when I get enough, I get to buy luxury goods.
https://backspace.blog.me.uk/the-tenth-rejection 🙂
I take the rejection letter and, using some of the agent’s phrasing, turn it around into a “fake acceptance” and then email it to a friend. It’s a lot of fun crafting fake acceptances and they usually become ludicrous and devolve into “Gilmore Girls” references, but they keep me upbeat about the process.
In the two instances where an agent had my whole book and then rejected me, well, insert “cries”, and then it’s basically the same. When they’re just rejecting my query, I don’t take it hard at all, just enter the rejection date into my querying database and move on!
I take the ‘accept and hope’
approach: I accept that there is
always room for improvement in my writing. I look for it/embrace
it/make it better. I accept that in this profession I will be rejected, probably often, and I pat myself on the back for
staying in the game.
Then I get to work at creating
more hope. Mostly I do this by
taking some action that will
improve my odds for future
success. I start writing a new
novel/read a book on writing/ crit
someone else’s writing/enter a
contest/tweak my novel/synopsis/query- whatever. I
resubmit. Anything but sit idle.
That way my hopes aren’t all
pinned on one or two submissions.
If all else fails, I go to You
Tube and listen to a frog sing
about rainbows. That always cheers
me up.
At first it didn’t bother me, “It’s okay, there are more fish in the sea,” but as those fish are driven away, I’m looking into an empty pond. Now that gets depressing.
The worst is when you get to hold onto that fish for a few weeks after they request your MS. Then the rejection comes…along with long drives with the radio blaring and tears away from the family.
But I’ve realized, I don’t want to hold onto a stinky fish. I want a shark!
(But maybe those will eat me up)
I hope I don't sound too terribly arrogant, but . . . I really was not all that disenchanted with my first rejection a couple months ago. Sure, I was saddened that the agent wasn't interested in representing me, but there are other agents. Thousands of other agents. Thousands, right? At least?
Well anyway. I'm able to cope with rejection because I LOVE to write. I have confidence in myself as a writer and even more confidence in my book. It will be a hard sell, and I may have to wait several more months until I find the proper agent, but I know it will happen. If it can happen for someone else, particularly authors who I don't think are any good at all, then why couldn't it happen for me, so long as I stick to it?