Everyone in this business has to face rejections. A lot. Everyone talks about how (insert bestseller here) was passed on 27 thousand million times before it became a bestseller, so you know even bestselling authors face it.
So how do you deal with it? How do you move on? What helps?
Any favorite strategies to share with your fellow writers?
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Here is my ultimate rejection story as a writer and how I dealt with it. You will not be disappointed (but you may feel bad for me…)
https://thecorner33.blogspot.com/2008/09/15-seconds-of-fame.html
Wine.
I like rejection, because it’s one less person to follow-up with.
I’m pretty objective about my own work, so if I have something being read, I know it has merit in the way I intended. I also know it’s not for everyone, and that’s fine.
So I guess I don’t deal with it as a writer. Now in my personal life, I’m big on cutting so far in 2009!
I throw a party because I’m a firm believer that each “No” is one step closer to a “Yes.”
Though I haven’t had to deal with writing rejections yet, still working on that novel, in general my response to rejection is this:
McDonald’s cheeseburger. Cheap, yummy and I’m pretty sure they have a little bit of vallium in them. š
Stuff,
I am sorry for you, but it was highly entertaining. Keep writing!
Useful information gets applied. Useless information gets tossed.
Kind or encouraging comments get remembered and a proper thank you sent.
Bland commentary gets tossed.
The “no-response-even-though-you-requested-to-look-at-my-work-and-six-months-have-passed-rejection” — those require dipping into my wine stash.
Chocolate and wine.
I worked in sales of big ticket intangibles many years before moving to finance. One of the primary requirements for being in sales is the ability to accept rejection. People deal with it in various ways. For me, I viewed it as a numbers game. What you are selling is not going to appropriate for every prospect. (Wouldn’t that be nice?) So let’s assume what you are selling is only a fit for 5% of prospects. Ninety-five percent of the time you won’t make the sale. Are you being rejected personally? Not really. The product is just not right for the customer. So shrug it off because you were trying to sell to one of the 95%, and start looking for that allusive 5%.
Thanks Writer from Heck.
While everyone is singing the psalm of chocolate, let me put in a word for a shot of fine single malt scotch served by a friendly bartender (but not too many–gotta back to work the next morning).
I once had to write an article for a really tough, picky editor. Her reasons for rejecting the first version (and the next four) were based not on quality or lack thereof, but on her personal idea of what format an article ought to be – completely subjective.
About the second complete rewrite, I got really upset. At that point my husband, rather than patting my back and giving me sympathy, sat me down and said: “You have two choices. One, give up and let her win. Two, write the best damn article in the world and give her no choice but to accept it.”
I chose option two.
Griffin,
Your picture freaks me out in a good way and I like you remedy.
Also chocolate first, dark and bitter as I can find.
Then, I dream up a self-indulgent fantasy of xxx weeping in sorrow when she/he sees my book on the NYT best-seller list and recalls sending the form letter. Oh, the anguish upon his/her face!
Then, I look at my query/proposal and try to make it better for the next one.
I stick rejection letters on the fridge and tamper with their wording with Magnetic Poetry words. It’s hard to stay unhappy when the agency regrets that they can’t [incubate] my [sausage], but wish me future success in placing my [butt].
How do I respond to rejections? I’ve responded in every way possible. I’ve smiled and said perkily, Ooh, now I’m a real writer! I’ve mailed the next query. I’ve rewritten sections of books. I’ve rewritten queries. I’ve sulked. I’ve stayed in bed. I’ve gone on chocolate binges. I’ve gone on hunger strikes. I’ve written rejections of the rejections: Dear agent, your rejection does not meet my needs at this time, and beside that, you’re a jerk… I’ve created alphabetical lists of agents who’ve rejected me, and then rated them by their comments: 1=very encouraging, 2=form letter, 3=obvious (cheap) Xerox of form letter, 4=soulless creep and so on.
Upshot: I deal with rejections badly.
Cathy
I have a “yay me!” file. In this file I put wonderful letters of encouragement I have received in the past. Then when I feel discouraged, I pull out my file and read my “yay” letters.
I personally am taking a Zen like approach to my writing, publishing and life in general–
Either I’ll land agent, get published, become the next JKR (okay maybe not that),
OR. . .
I won’t. May not work for everyone, but it sure works for me.
Cheers!
I stuck my very first rejection letter in a lovely, golden frame, and when I get my first acceptance letter, I intend to point at the framed reject letter and laugh.
;oD
Word verfication: “depsi.” I guess that just about covers it.
Listen to some good head thrashing music (Re: Aneurysm by Nirvana, Frances Farmer will have her revenge on Seattle by Nirvana, Pass the buck by Stereophonics), or write a melancholy song on your acoustic guitar. Sing it to yourself as you strum the chords, even if you have a musically deaf voice.
To add:
Then continue working on the next one.
Rejections? You can’t take it personally, and you have to be tenacious. Keep trying and chalk it up to a bad fit, or not what they (the agents or editors) had in mind. Actors, singers, artists and writers all need thick skin to protect our creative hearts. If it’s a good story, then eventually there will be someone who will see that.
I don’t like every book I read either, but some will resonate with me for my own subjective reasons. I’m currently reading Cormac McCarthy’s ‘The Road’ and it hits me in the gut. He seems to break all the rules about writing, except the main one – write a damn good story.
So I’ll keep trying to perfect my own stories without tailoring them to some ideal or trend. It’s tougher on some days of course, but I have other things to cheer me up – music, painting, etc.
I started reading Cormac McCarthy’s book since you mentioned him before as one of your favorites, Nathan, and I haven’t been disappointed. I wonder if he went through many rejections?
I just say “Bummer” definitely eat chocolate, then I go read the ‘Good News’ section of a board I belong to. It lifts my spirits and then I get back to work.
If you don’t keep going, you’ll never get there š
I see you, Anon 11:14 and Marilyn. A few have said something similar. I was just reacting to all those who projected a perfectly legitimate, but highly intellectual response. I find that, no matter how well I can deconstruct the rejection beforehand, I still react emotionally first–kind of like the logic behind the Voight-Kampff Test, if anyone is familiar with the movie Blade Runner. Not overwhelmingly so, but there’s an initial blush reaction followed by a lingering dissatisfaction that eventually dissipates, with help from the intellectual side of the brain.
Could just be me, but no matter how prepared I am, I still have to take a deep breath before opening a return letter or email.
When I get rejected, I take a deep breath, set the letter aside, and then I put on my iPOD and select Fall Out Boy’s “I Don’t Care.”
I pick up my hairbrush and pretend I’m a rockstar dancing around on a brightly lit stage with a crowd of millions of would-be readers cheering me on.
After I’ve jumped around and danced like an idiot for three renditions of this song, I feel so, so, so much better. By this point, I can throw myself into my desk chair and start writing, revising, and proving all my critics wrong.
Of course, after the high wears off, I have to listen to the song again. And sometimes, I just crawl under the bed and cry for a day or two before I pull out my iPOD. But the song always works…at least for an hour or two.
Scott, you’re right about how the initial feeling knocks the wind out of your sails. I feel deflated at first, a little pissed off, but when I’m like that I feel like I’m going back to my inner child. Don’t want to stay there too long.
And I loved Blade Runner, one of my all time favorite movies.
So Scott,
Are you saying you get that heat feeling too? Is that what you mean by blush? I hate that feeling but I can’t seem to keep it from happening. Maybe we store up too many emotions, and they come flooding out. Too bad ther isn’t some kind of warning system that let’s you know you are about to get a response, and you could take a swig of tequilia or something to kill it.
I don’t take rejections personally. It’s not saying I’m a bad writer, it’s just saying that the concept of the project doesn’t intrigue the agent or editor. Or that my writing doesn’t connect to them.
I just keep sending them out and I keep working on my next project. So, if this one doesn’t get a hit, I have a new project to query.
1. Lots and lots of chocolate!
2. Then pick up Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, and learn how to get rid of the ego. It is the ego that is hurt not the real you.
Read the book and you will understand what I mean, if you still do not understand email me and I will explain it.
I drink.
š
I have only gone through one experience of sending queries so far, and my reaction to my rejections was something like, “EEEE! An agent actually looked at my book!! EEE!!! This is so exciting! EEEEE!!” I taped them up on my refrigerator, too. But I doubt that outlook will stick with me forever. Heehee.
—-
SF Writer
To God be the glory
Anon, I liken it to a learned response. Who hasn’t felt the pang of rejection over and over in their life? It could be anything from not being picked for kick ball, to that girl saying “no”, to someone thanking you for your book, reading some of it, and putting it down. There are many levels, and I think it’s just human nature to bristle a little.
One week I received about five rejections via email. Each one pushed me down a little lower, even though I knew they were just rejecting my “idea” and not how I’d executed it. Wrong agent, wrong time, wrong economy, maybe. But they stuck around a little in my subconscious, and I finally had to shake them off.
I think it’s a good thing to feel them and use those feelings. It means we’re still in touch. Of course, we can’t let rejection stop us, but without experiencing it to some degree, I wonder how good we would become?
I figured the book wasn’t ready and have gone through heavy changes including changing from 1st person to 3rd. I think it’s closer now, especially after having an editor comment on the first 50 pages.
Actually, rejections don’t bother me much. I can’t figure out if it’s because I’m just generally not bothered by things or if it’s because I know that if someone rejected me, it was probably for the best and I don’t want someone who isn’t completely dedicated to my project representing anyway or whatever.
Normally I just shrug, put it in my rejection folder and find another agent to query š
With my first book, I handled it very badly. Every letter was an arrow to the gut, but I wadded them up and recently looked at them. And you know what? There were few form rejections in the pack. They were almost all personal. I feel so blessed now.
With my current manuscript, I think it’s a combination of a thicker skin and the experience to know that it’s not personal, it’s just not a good fit, and I’m more likely these days to keep trying (whether it’s sending out more queries or working on something completely new) than to crawl under a rock and damn the world.
Scott @ 1:04 PM:
Love your reference to the Voight-Kampff Test in Blade Runner. Loved that part of Philip K. Dick’s novel, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? Good to know we’re not androids. š
As an aside, every time I think of Philip K. Dick’s work, I feel sad. I heard a well-known literary agent say that his novels would never be published today and, alas, I think that’s true – although a small publishing house specializing in sci fi would probably pick him up.
Stuff @ 11:52 AM:
That is horrible. Geez. Just keep on writing! That kind of rejection isn’t personal, just terribly thoughtless.
I take the GalaxyQuest approach: “Never give up! Never surrender!”
Just keep trying, simple as that.
Scotch. (Even blended is okay at a time like this.)
Stuff,
I just read your blog and felt your pain. You have the stuff, keep writing, and look at it this way- at least you talked to someone big in the business and he had your number down. You were one step closer than a lot of people. He had you number, Man, that counts for something. You are at least a little bit of somebody!!!!
Anon – 11:24 – yeah, calling is definitely right up there, but most of the positions I’ve been looking at have been for the giant machine companies where phone numbers don’t usually get you to real people or anybody who can do anything about it.
As for ‘The Road’ and CM, I think I may be one of the few that do not like (euphemism) that book and find the writing within pretentious and overwrought… {my negative comment for today :)}
I try never to take it personally, which helps tremendously. Hopefully, the rejection has some creative criticism from which I can take away something to improve the piece. But, if it doesn’t, I just remember the stories of Stephen King and his piles of initial rejection letters and I’m able to let it go. It’s all part of the process. Besides, without the rejections, the acceptance letters wouldn’t be nearly as rewarding and exciting. š
Well…..I decided the first rejection just had to be framed – for posterity – you know, something to look back at after winning the Nobel Prize. (Of course, I’d have to show it to the agent who wrote it as well). The next 80 or so rejections were pretty tough. Depression, anger – the whole pity party. But the last 25 just rolled off the back!! I finally decided to take matters into my own hands. “Is Harvey Dunne?” will be published – just by me. It’s a good book and deserves to be read. The publishing process and planning of my marketing campaign have empowered me. I now laugh at rejection! Ha!Ha!Ha!
When I finished my first novel, I thought I would send it right to a publisher and an editor would like it and agree to help me get it ready for publication and then the book would come out and sit on shelves in bookstores and people would buy it and love it.
When I got my first rejection, it was instant wake-up time. I was devastated.
I still do the same things most days, write like crazy, go to my writer’s group, make corrections, write some more, but when I send my novels in to agents (oh, I wised up and realized that an agent comes before a publisher) I don’t expect so much so wholeheartedly, so when a rejection comes in, I have a cup of coffee and get back to work. The optimist in me thinks that someday I will be published. My books will be put on those shelves in bookstores, people will buy and enjoy them. Until then, the Virgo in me keeps perfecting my writing, going to my writer’s group, making corrections, and writing some more.
No matter how politely written, a no is still a no. You get excited when they ask to see a bit more, and then get a bit deflated when their expectations were not met and they say no. Why would we ever submit ourselves to the rejection?
Because we think what we have to say, or the story we have to tell is important. So we continue to submit and submit. the successful submit until they get a contract and publication.
And, since I am an optimist, I know every rejection I receive brings me one step closer to yes. I know it’s lurking out there, just around the corner. I just have to find the right corner to turn.
I guess I just don’t mind. I do really like to have more than one project going at a time, though, and that might be a coping mechanism.
Nathan, I’m all about positive. If a rejection isn’t constructive for me, I shred it. I file the positive ones that help and move on. I have no time to wallow in the negative, because all that does is stall the time between now and my success.
Hope Clark
FundsforWriters.com
I keep in mind this quote:
Thought for the Day: ….
“This manuscript of yours that has just come back from another editor/agent is a precious package. Don’t consider it rejected. Consider that you’ve addressed it ‘to the editor/agent who can appreciate my work’ and it has simply come
back stamped ‘not at this address.'”
~~Barbara Kingsolver,
Best-selling author of The Poisonwood Bible….
Nathan, you rejected me today after requesting a partial! But it was a timely rejection with a personal note, so I don’t even really feel bad. Actually I felt lucky to get such a clear, and professional, and even encouraging response in such a short time. It was awesome.
As for bad rejections, I handle them by putting my head in my hands and sobbing and going “ARRRGH.” I allow myself about ten minutes to do that. Then I fix my mascara and start over.
After I get over the initial sting of rejection, I read what the editor has to say and take it to heart.
Earlier this week, after receiving an e-mail rejection from an editor (who included suggestions for expanding my article), I wrote back to thank him for his time and suggestions. I also invited him or a member of his staff to be interviewed on my blog to talk about the what the editorial staff is looking for in magazine articles.
No response yet to the follow-up request, but I’m hopeful.
Wes said…
I worked in sales of big ticket intangibles many years before moving to finance. One of the primary requirements for being in sales is the ability to accept rejection
I’ve worked in both retail and sales for my most my career (but currently adore my cushy office job with free tea and bickies!). You learn to get over rejection pretty fast in those jobs. Didn’t make the sale? What can you do, sitting around sulking isn’t going to pay your rent next week, you just have to shrug it off and keep going.
I eat rejection for breakfast. And, also, Weet Bix.