Boo! You suck! Boo!!
Just kidding.
I am, however, very swamped today, and in lieu of an actual blog post please accept this haiku:
Queries pouring in
Flood, ye electrons, flood on!
My raft sprung a leak
UPDATE: litgirl01 requested a Negativity Week video. I give you…. DOG NIGHTMARES (actually it’s completely hilarious)
Anonymous says
Queries read by line,
rejections are sad.
Try, try again.
Morgan
Josephine Damian says
Nathan, off topic, but did you know you get a nice shout out in the acknowledgement section of Stuart Neville’s THE TWELVE?
Marilyn Peake says
Nathan,
Happy query reading!
I’m going to busy myself with writing.
Melissa says
Queries that follow
Guidelines and no albinos
An agent can hope!
Mercy Loomis says
Queries are the suck,
but how else to get ahead?
Ah, sweet commission.
Yvette Davis says
I know this is bad Haiku form. I just don’t like to play by the rules all the time:
Here they come
They cry by the thousands
There aren’t enough I-Ching sticks to go around.
Maybe some of your query-ers should have consulted the ancient runes first?
Nathan Bransford says
I hadn’t heard, Josephine! Can’t wait for it to come out. Stuart’s a champ.
Merry Monteleone says
Poor lovely Nathan
Sending you a cyber drink
and query paddle
Happy reading, and congratulations on the acknowledgement mention!!! I can’t wait until Stuart’s book hits shelves here.
Anonymous says
That reminds me of one of my favorite books…
David M. Bader’s Haiku U :From Aristotle to Zola, 100 Great Books in 17 Syllables
It’s hilarious and a great gift!
Marilyn Peake says
Not query ready
Tendril-wrapped in mad embrace
I dance with the Muse.
Ink says
Spelling mistakes – oy!
and rhetorical questions…
sink, boat, and save me.
Yat-Yee says
I think you should require all of your queries be written in haiku form.
Wanda B. Ontheshelves says
Get a little rhyme in:
Queries pouring in
Flood, ye electrons, flood on!
My leaky raft spins
clindsay says
Yat Yee –
Actually, I just held a contest where folks had to submit their queries in a haiku format. Just posted the winners. The surprising thing was just how many people were able to convey an entire book idea in such a concise way! I was super impressed with everyone’s creativity!
Now, query sonnets…
Best,
Colleen
Maria Schneider says
So Nathan, apparently being nice = more queries? Uh-oh…
Jen says
Ew, at least I’m not the only one having a bad week…It’s almost full moon, that might be it.
Marilyn Peake says
Haiku Wish for Nathan:
Queries of black ink
Dream them clear as cellophane
Gaze at the bright gem.
Martin Willoughby says
I know I suck…every time I breathe in quickly with my lips pursed.
Jen says
Cool, who wants to write the haiku for my assessment for my writing unit this semester? Anyone? Anyone?
Deaf Indian Muslim Anarchist! says
this week I have to write a query letter…. YUCK
Litgirl01 says
Too funny! LOL However, I would have enjoyed a negativity week video. Something really dark. 😀
Furious D says
Since I’m bad at Haiku, here’s a limerick.
There once was an agent named Nate
Reading queries ’til it was late
Then one day a feller
Sent in a best seller
And success was their fate
Not bad for something whipped up on the spot. 😉
rightonmom says
OK, that was hilarious.
Poor dog!
Nary a query
very scary
but eat drink
and be merry.
Lupina says
Doggy nightmare was so funny, yet felt so familiar: writing a query, typing, typing faster, faster, almost there, I’ve sent it, BAM! Head hits wall with another rejection. Duh, walk away, start again.
Lupina says
Two questions for Ms. Lindsay;
1. Did you ask for more or fewer partials from the haiku queries?
2. Do you answer every query with at least a form rejection?
Thanks ever so much.
Lady Glamis says
Ah, here’s to hoping the week gets better. Last week was wonderful. Thanks, Nathan!
Marilyn Peake says
Since we’ve been discussing positivity vs. negativity, I offer my Haiku on Positive vs. Negative:
Proton neutron fist
Electron spinning madly
Push-pull of power.
(Hmmmm, I might just be procrastinating on the novel I’m writing. This Haiku thing is addicting.)
Litgirl01 says
Hilarious!!! LOL My students even got a kick out it. Thank you! 🙂
clindsay says
Lupina –
The haiku queries were just a contest. God forbid all my queries came that way. Even though some folks who commented on Nathan;s last post seem to think I am the spawn of Satan, I’m actually not that cruel! =)
If you scroll down a couple of weeks, you can actually read all the entries. There were (I think) 242 haikus in all.
And yes, I do try to reply to all queries with at least a form rejection. The exceptions are: (1) if something comes with an unsolicited attachment, it gets deleted before I see it (although the sender gets a form response telling them their query has been deleted without being read) and (2) if the query doesn’t follow my guidelines, the writer gets a form response telling them to re-query using my posted submission guidelines.
In essence, they get a do-over if they screw up.
Best,
Colleen
Anonymous says
Deaf Indian — (for your query endeavor)
Bravery to you
Deaf Indian Muslim
the strong will prevail.
Marilyn Peake says
That dog is a writer. He dreams and bashes his head against the wall.
Rick Daley says
I know who will win Best in Show this year. That was priceless.
WORD VERIFICATION: petin. As in, nobody’s petin that dog ’cause it’s crazy.
I swear that’s what it is. I’m not making it up.
Solvang Sherrie says
Did you see that Galley Cat featured you because of your positivity week? Here’s the link
clindsay says
I can’t stop watching the dog video!
omg…going back to watch again.
Marilyn Peake says
One more haiku especially for Negativity Week, on the amount of negativity words can create:
Piss, spit, vinegar
Blood boils, pulse throbs, word bombs hurled
Pen beats sword, dark ink.
BronzeWord says
probocito dog. poor thing. I hope he caught whatever he was going for. especially after that head bang!
Jo Ann Hernandez
https://bronzeWord.wordpress.com
Elizabeth says
Awesomely dogsome.
Thomas Burchfield says
Yvette:
Nice job and the 7-5-7 isn’t an absolute rule, as I’ve seen in at least one book of classic haiku.
Reading online singes eyes
“War and Peace” on Kindle?
Some readers still have some doubts
Tricia says
That was so doggone funny, I watched it six times, laughing in the most unbecoming way.
pjd says
the pendulum swings
making negative progress
must be a full moon?
in the interest of NOT engaging in negativity week:
yay! negativity!
we must stay positive, even in negativity week.
K.S. Clay says
Great vid, Nathan. The dog should have been barking, though. That’s what one of my dogs used to do in their sleep. They’d have their eyes closed, kick out their legs, and let out a yip. They’d grow still. Then they’d start again. And some people say dogs don’t dream.
Amber Lynn Argyle says
This was so funny, I had to show my boys. We all had a good laugh.
Marilyn Peake says
pjd –
Excellent idea! Yaaaaaay negativity and all-around meanness! Let’s stay upbeat and positive about Negativity Week! Positivity…ooops, I mean Negativity…rules!
Lupina says
Dear Ms. Lindsay,
No spawn of Satan would post such thoughtful answers to questions that could each have been answered in one word. Again, thanks.
The reason for question 2 was that I sent a query in January that at least came close to your guidelines — I did read them — and never received a response. And I felt writing you directly about it might seem like pestering. Since it seems that perhaps it never reached you, may I send again?
And Nathan, do you ever do-over?
clindsay says
Lupina –
I got very backed up on queries when I had pneumonia in January so I may not have gotten to yours yet. I get about 400-500 a week, and was out of commission for three weeks so my inbox was really out of control.
I still have a few queries from January but should be through them by the end of the week. If you don’t get a response to your query by Friday, re-query me and let me know. It’s possible that it went into my spam filter but I check that pretty frequently.
Cheers!
C-
Anonymous says
Poetry sucks.
How’s that for negativity week?
Anonymous says
Yes, agreed. Poetry is essentially diahhreah (sp?) of the mind.
korastoynova says
That doggy nightmare was hilarious! You had four of us on the floor crying with laughter! Well, I guess it’s good we were crying since it’s negativity week, but in laughter!
Good luck with all the queries….
Kora
Sarah says
The dog video made my day- and it’s been a long one.
Mira says
Oh, that poor dog. I hope he got yummy treats and forgot all about the nightmare.
Nathan, I am so, so sorry. I know it’s been a few days since I continued our conversation. You were probably wondering if I had given up and abandoned you – but of course not! I would never do that! The last two days just weren’t interruptible, that’s all.
Besides, I need more time. I want to do something really BIG to show you how much our future relationship means to me. So, I’m gathering some Gautemalan orphans to serenade you. But it’s harder to find Guatemalan orphans than you might think. They’re not just wandering the streets all willy nilly.
I know! Color me surprised, too!
So, I need more time. I suppose I could write a haiku about how hard it is to find guatemalan orphans, but I’m not sure I could top your creation, so maybe I’ll wait.