Writing is a solitary pursuit. It takes silence, concentration, patience, and provides a ready excuse to escape any awkward family gathering.
It also takes the forbearance of your friends and family as you toil away on the page or laptop and anguish over rejection letters and bad reviews.
What do they think about it?
Behind every well-fed writer is the primary breadwinner.
In my case, it’s my wife. She’s also my first and best reader. My wife is my first and best reader. Half way through one novel manuscript, she remarked about my protagonist, “He’s so spoiled and annoying I want to give him a spanking” which was not at all what I intended. She was right. I knew the novel was in big trouble.
My current boyfriend supports it (in fact, he’s made overtures about co-authoring, or at least sharing one of my universes, a SF universe where the main character is an elevator AI). He tries to get me writing when I’m suffering from writer’s block (aka “everything I write sucks”). Occasionally it gets to the point where I want to tell him to just back off because it’s pressuring me and not helping, but I don’t say that, because I’d rather he be too supportive than not at all.
My mother doesn’t know English well enough to enjoy novels. She doesn’t even enjoy reading English newspaper articles. I’d have to write in Chinese for her to seriously consider reading anything I write.
My father is a very entrenched genre reader. He isn’t interested in anything except wuxia or other similar swashbuckling tales set in China. I’m working on him, but I need to write more and make it vaguely crossover-ish.
My siblings, however, are supportive. One of my cousins and my younger sister are amateur writers (my younger sister recently won a national award in my home country). Both of them consider me one of their idols, and usually talk about me in rarefied terms. (Yet I notice they don’t usually read what I write, which tends towards SF/fantasy; they enjoy the general fiction, but steer clear of anything with alternate universes.)
The only ones left are my friends. Without their constant encouragement and their support, I wouldn’t be clinging on to this dream. My friends’ reaction to my stories has always been, “Oh lord, where’s the rest? More, please!” And because of that–because of them, I have the strength to keep writing.
My wife is hugely supportive. When I was discouraged and on the verge of giving up, she pushed me to do NaNo, the result of which was a poorly-executed good idea. Whenever I start to fall into whiney-writer mode, she yells and me and puts me on a schedule. Sometimes she gets frustrated or annoyed if I say “I’m almost done” and keep writing for another few hours, but overall she’s amazing.
The further away from me you get, the less supportive people are. Some of my friends think I’m good, and some just don’t care. My parents are kind of supportive, sorta, not really. The extended relatives crushed my dream of being a musician with all their talk of “money” and “degrees” and what not, so I don’t talk about writing around them.
I’m single and I have no friends, so it’s no problem. Kidding, kidding… a little bit. Actually, my mom is the one who encouraged me to pursue this thing. Even back when I wouldn’t show anybody anything I wrote. She’s a #1/aces kinda lady. And all my friends who know I write think it’s great and always ask me how it’s going and tell me I’ll make it.
My family isn’t interested in my writing at all. Funny because my husband used to berate me for not writing after graduating with a degree in Journalism. Now I am just getting started by blogging and experimenting with my creativity and no one is interested at all. My youngest daughter said that she thought my blog was “private” and that was why she never asked about it. I gave her the web address and will see if she becomes a follower or just a lurker!
My family thinks I’m a genius, and don’t understand why I’m not published yet.
Writing is one of the *most* social things I do. At least it gets me in contact with other writers occasionally. My family is happy I’m not living in a shack mailing out letterbombs and weaving a flag for a new country out of my back hair.
My mother htinks it’s a phenomenal waste of time. My siblings think it’s an excuse to forget to fold my laundry properly, or to accidentally burn the cookies. My family’s general concensus is that since I’m not published and probably never will be (their opinion, not mine), I should quit wasting my time.
My friends, however, are the most amazing support group, ever. They’re all writers–published and unpublished–and they’re all serious about enjoying writing and, even better, working to improve.
Outside of that? Well, let’s just say my boss calls me a “misery” or “miserable” writer, instead of a mystery writer, and acts like it’s a cute new freudian slip every time.
Some of these responses are hilarious.
I find the more I write, the less I have to talk about.
Scotty,
I love the idea of participating in a chain novel. Reminds me of the Round Robin novels in which each author writes a separate chapter, like The Omega Egg round robin edited by Mike Resnick. Nathan, would you ever consider sponsoring something like that?
My family is very supportive, especially my wife. (Can’t say that about my first wife, unfortunately.) They’re all looking forward to my upcoming article in The Writer.
My husband and kids love that I’m writing. It drives me crazy trying to balance working full-time, doing my “church” duties, being a Mom, being a wife, and being a writer …all in one perfectly molded person. Sure it sucks alot of the time. But, I’m finding that the farther I stretch myself the more I grow as a person.
Just last night my husband commented on how he saw my personal growth through the “craze” of it all. My parents can’t wait till they see a finished product. My father knows he will not live to see that day since he has been given 4-6 months due to his cancer. I promised to dedicate the book to him (he made sure I promised him too). I would say he is my biggest fan…;)
After reading through everyone’s personal insights, it really made me feel blessed to come from the background that I did. I was brought up to just do what I want to do without worrying about other people’s opinions. Which probably explains why I have so few friends, but the ones I do have are super kick-arse!
If I had friends or family members who tried to tell me that something I loved to do was a “waste of time” I’d just blank them and not speak to them anymore. Life’s too fun and interesting to be surrounded by such negative people.
My family ignores any and all failures in my life. I find it a blessing in disguise. I’ve never felt rejected or I couldn’t do something because they have left me alone in my own little world. They never get excited unless I suceed.
Half my family thinks I’m delusional and is too polite to say so; the other half says, “What do you do again?” If/when my first book is published, they will unite in their demand for free copies for them and all their friends. If I ever actually do make any money, they will want a piece of that action, too. Love ’em. Mean it.
When I was looking into colleges, my parents didn’t really take an interest…that is until I was accepted into a college that was far away–and I would be majoring in creative writing. My dad suggested I go to that one college that had the theater program…
They think I am insane. pure and simple.
Friends: like it. Many of them write, too, or have started because I do.
Family: like it when I’m writing informational articles, despise it when I’m writing fiction, especially fantasy.
They like to read it (the first time), but they resent it when I write. There are times when I feel like I have a habit, like a junkie or something. I sneak in a few words before dinner, after the dishes or before anyone else wakes up. And then the day starts and there are the endless appointments and work. Sadly, the most productive time is when I lurk in waiting rooms typing on my laptop hiding behind the potted plants hoping that no one will ask me anything. It seems there is always some slope headed idiot with his name embroidered on his shirt who wants to know if I am writing a novel. “Yes, (expletive), I am.” Honestly, it’s not easy.
I learned the hard way not to go tell everyone I knew or met on the street that I was working on a novel. In my experience, picking a small cadre of people you trust and who have empathy for the process, along with enthusiasm for your pursuit in being a writer, is the best path to sharing. I also learned to be very spare with my conversations with others about my work. Despite my enthusiasm, at the end of the day it’s still work. And talking shop to everyone is a recipe for boring people to death. Oh, and my wife is awesome for putting up with me.
One couple I know – who are big fans of crime writing – have embraced my heroine to the extent that Cynthia seems to be as real to them as Poirot or Holmes. You can imagine how encouraging that is.
But then even criticism, however harsh, is fantastic because it gives you a chance to improve. Some acquaintances have become closer friends as a result of negative but constructive feedback.
One or two people who asked for a copy of my novel claim not to have read it yet. Of course I suspect that they did read it, and they hated it, and they don’t want to say so. But maybe they are just so awed by my genius that they are afraid to comment.
My family is wonderfully supportive. My parents even flew out from Europe for my first reading. My husband is great and is one of my first cold readers when I’ve finished a book although it took a while before I could be comfortable with his criticism and not take it personally. My kids give me no time to write but that’s not exactly their fault- they’re too young to understand the process although my 6 year old son is very proud and always points out my book to everyone in the library.
Most of my friends now are writers so they understand. Other friends have finally figured out that writing is a job and not to just drop in during the day assuming I’ll be lounging around doing absolutely nothing. And I have lost some friends who think I’ve changed since being published, becoming anti-social, cold and unsupportive. Oh well.
Marilynn,
I’m off to check that link out. Thanks!
I think it would be fun, too. I really like that the chapters have to be only 750 words, too. It could be a good exercise for new writers, and wouldn’t take an age to finish. Very “Who’s Line is it Anyway”. 🙂
Everyone thinks I’m a nutjob. They don’t understand the process, they don’t understand the type of stories I write, and they don’t understand how I can keep throwing myself against the brick wall of publishing only to get rejected once again.
Writing is a disease, and I have it.
It’s nice to see that so many writers out there have supportive family and friends. Mine are kind of in the middle. It’s not that they’re not supportive, it’s just that they don’t get it. Especially my parents. Their attitude seems to be, “Oh, she has a cute little hobby. Isn’t that nice?” I don’t let it bother me, though. Really, I understand why they feel that way. Since writing is such a solitary pursuit, no one sees how much time and effort I put into it. And if they did see it, I know that they’d probably view things differently.
My family, I think, delights in encouraging, mocking, oppressing, annoying, patronizing, interrogating, and giving weird looks to me.
They think I’m an eccentric, crazy writer (they don’t say “crazy” anymore, but when I start talking about Dream Universes and literally speaking w/ my characters, that’s when my brother will slowly twirl his finger at the side of his head)
My real-life friends? I haven’t had those in ages. But used to, people thought it was cool that I was a writer. And that’s about it.
I’ve met a lot of writers online.
Writing fulltime from home has to be one of the hardest conquests for any writer, especially when you have five kids like me and a household that feels more like a train station than a home with people coming and going.
However, having said that, when you have the passion, determination and persistence there is always time to write.
I edit, read submissions for a publishing house, yet work on my own writing every day.
@Scott 9:39am: Library. It can be a great place to write (if you don’t get distracted by all those books) and you have a built in excuse to turn off your phone. 🙂 You may miss the cozy coffee and a pastry thing, but you’ll get to write uninterrupted.
Then surprise your wife with flowers or chocolates now and then. Of course then she’ll suspect you’re having an affair, which you kind of are. *g*
Luck!
Silence? I could only wish for silence. I’ve conducted interviews on the telephone while locked in the bathroom to escape the noise of three kids, a dog and a not-so-quiet husband. I’ve finished up articles in a hotel room while my five-year-old jumped from bed to bed while listening to the maniacal laugh of Spongebob. I’ve read through archived research material buckled into the passenger seat of our SUV barreling down the road filled with a full load of other people’s kids headed to a climbing competition.
Silence. Oh, that sounds wonderful. I’ll have to try that sometime when everyone moves out (I haven’t figured out how to make that happen yet. Eight-year-olds seem to think emancipation isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.)
Friends are supportive.
My family absolutely hates it. They follow one simply rule: Ignorance is bliss unless you become famous. So they don’t talk about it.
In thinking about this question, I realized that all my friends are writers, and I met most of them in writing groups. And the one I’m closest to in my family, my brother, also is a writer. In general, we’re all extremely supportive of each other….
Although. One challenge that comes up with some of my friends is subtle competition and envy. I think it’s natural for writers to compare. Sometimes I think they are all better than me, and I’m not worthy to be their friend. Sometimes I have moments (based on the fact that I’m unpublished and am not writing anything) where I’m sure that I’m much better than they are, and I should help them feel okay about themselves anyway.
Oddly enough, they don’t seem to appreciate that.
So, these kind of things periodically strain the friendships. Oh, and of course walking that line when you don’t like what you’re friend wrote – it’s challenging.
But when we can talk about it – where we admit that we’re jealous, competitive, etc., it really strengths and deepens the friendship. And also strengthens my sense of myself as a writer.
I count myself very lucky.
So far everyone has been very supportive and interested.
Although I think my MIL was slightly miffed when I ditched her at the mall to sit in Starbucks and scribble away but I loathe shopping and I did wait a whole two hours before I left 🙂
My dad thinks I should just self-publish and be done with it already. *shrug* 😉
My husband and kids, though, are very supportive. My oldest son loves books, so he thinks it’s ultra cool that “Mommy writes stories.” And I’m good with that. 🙂
Most of the people in my life – family and friends – are very supportive. Occasionally though I encounter people who are underminers – not interested in seeing me succeed and at times actively engaged in petty forms of sabotage – nasty little jibes badly disguised as advice or sympathy.
I’m trying to learn how to avoid people like that.
My husband and daughter are my biggest fans. They fully support the time it takes to write, so long as it does not in any way impact their quality of life…
At cocktail parties, weddings, etc., people’s initial excitement at hearing I am a writer quickly wanes into a glassy eyed stare when they discover I write non-fiction. They act as though I have tricked them in some way.
Boy, is this thread depressing.
My son (13) is very proud of me.
The rest of my family thinks writing is easy and that I’m raking in the big bucks. They don’t seem to understand that I have two full time jobs; the day job and writing. And of course, my son. So that’s three full time jobs.
I come from a family of readers, so writing isn’t seen as odd. They read my blog and ask how it’s going. One of my family also writes, and my boyfriend critiques my stuff.
I don’t get angsty though. About the most they have to put up with is being forced to eat doughnuts when I have a success.
My husband supports it 100%. My friends and family want to know when I’m going to get another book published so they can read it. If someone thinks it’s strange, they haven’t told me yet.
The boyfriend is proud of me for keeping at it and supports me, but most of the family at times I think only takes an interest because they believe I’m going to hit it big and take them with me -.-
Well okay, they alternate between that belief and poorly-faked interest.
My sister’s the exception though, since she’s also a writer she’s taken a lot of interest in what I’m doing.
My partner supports me 100%–which I think is the most important part–but I believe my dad thinks I’m kidding, or that I might be dreaming too much, and my mother’s words of kindness were “It takes some people ten years to get published.”
I just got back from Phoenix where the exchange with my mother went something like this:
HER: You think you’re gonna write? Your sister’s ex-boyfriend got a meeting at New Line. New Line! He never got anywhere!
ME: That’s ‘cos he was a producer trying to write an adaptation. Not a writer!
HER: (dismissive hand wave)
My freidns are very supportive, but they put a lot of pressure on: “when am I going to see your story?”, “aren’t you done yet?”.
My husband and little girl resent the time I spend working on my writing, but they do seem to get that I need to do tis. My husband has no interest in what I write, but at least he isn’t dismissive. My daughter wants me to write about puppies and kittens and princesses named Rebecca.
That… varies. My step-dad is very supportive. My mother… she’s an artist herself, and oil painter, and she rarely reads fiction. She’s supportive, with the understanding that she won’t read my work. My sister won’t read any of it either… I spent too much time handing her bits of things that I’ve written and unfinished projects as a kid, and now she rejects it out of hand. As for my biological father… he’s not fond of fantasy written by women.
So there’s an aura of understanding and support, but not interest. I have to get test readers for that, because they won’t serve.
Really you could substitute any hobby-like, artistic endeavor one is not likely to make a living at any time soon for “writing” and have the same thread. e.g. “They put up with my music…” or my painting or my sculpting, model airplane building….whatever. It’s all about the love.
I’m one of the fortunate ones as well. If not for my husband’s prompting and purchasing of writing materials I probably wouldn’t have picked up another pen. My other family members (parents, sister) think it’s ‘quaint’. “Aw, it’s nice that Crissy thinks she’s contributing to the world” type of quaint. Yes, it’s insulting to be patronized but these aren’t the opinions I hold dear to my heart anyway. When it comes down to it though I’m the one who has to push to get the writing done; so if I’m not happy I’m writing, to put it bluntly, I’m screwed.
Great question, by the way. It got me focused for the morning’s work- Thanks.
While my family and friends find it interesting that I write and smile upon my profile on amazon, I definately find it necessary to balance writing time with family.
My boyfriend has physical hobbies and doesn’t understand that sometimes a mental hobby is just as time consuming as a physical one.
My friends in the past have loved my fanfiction and I can’t wait to show them the more mainstream fiction I’m working on now.
My husband is my biggest fan and supporter and asks me regularly when his “Little Meal Ticket” is going to make him a billionaire. He does get frustrated that I zone out and ignore him for days at a time, but then praises my brilliance when I read him my completed chapter.
My sister (Purple Clover) writes.
My friends are supportive.
My dad thinks it is a phase.
Some of my friends have offered useful comments on the manuscript of my first novel, but most have not. The book I published last year, Asia’s Banking CEOs, has been read by about half of the friends and family I gave copies to. My wife has not read it, probably never will. My three closest work colleagues asked for a copy as soon as it came into the office, but only one has read it. I have been complimented on my writing before (sincerely, I believe), so I strike the disinterest to either their apathy or my bad mojo.
My family basically leaves me alone and they don’t read any of my works unless I ask them to.
What they do read they say is good, but they are not readers or writers so I have no clue what to do with their critiques.