Nathan Bransford | Writing, Book Editing, Publishing

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The Winner Is…… (and more on choosing the finalists)

by

Natalie!!!

Congratulations, Natalie. Very very well-deserved, and I think we’re all wondering what’s going to happen to those plucky ninjas. Good work!!

Another hearty round of applause to the finalists, and most of all to everyone (all 1300+ of you) who put themselves out there by posting their work. It was very difficult to choose only six out of over 1300, and there were many worthy paragraphs.

Since I posted the finalists, people have been asking me to explain a bit more about what went into my choices.

First off, I think it’s important to remember that as an agent I probably read these differently than the average reader. Judging from some responses I’ve received, I think a lot of people read these paragraphs thinking, “Which book would I want to read?” and then gravitate to the ones that begin with intriguing plots, voices or situations that speak to them. Which is fine! Nothing wrong with that at all. But that’s not necessarily how I read these — I don’t need to know everything right away. When I’m reading a paragraph (or a partial), I’m looking mainly at the quality of the writing. Is it of publishable quality? Is it seamless, are the word choices strong, is the grammar proper, am I being enveloped in this world? If the writing isn’t publishable it really doesn’t matter how much I like the underlying idea.

Plots are subjective — people have different tastes and interests. Good writing is less subjective. It’s sometimes hard to describe, pinpoint, and define, but good writing is good writing. And these paragraphs are well-written.

So a word for the snarky anonymous commenters: Even if they are outside your genres of interest, even if they describe plots you wouldn’t gravitate toward, if you can’t see that these paragraphs demonstrate good writing… well, not only are you the type of person who might leave rude comments on a blog, I would (as kindly as possible) suggest that you take a long look in the mirror. The very first step of being a good writer is recognizing good writing.

Now! Before you start getting all depressed on me, I will readily and heartily admit that I had to pass on some gems, and if you were not chosen it does not mean that you are not talented and/or will never be published. Far from it — there were lots of very strong paragraphs, and there could only be six finalists. But I am confident in the choices, and feel that they are all, in their own way, very strong.

Here’s why I chose each paragraph.

Natalie has an immediately catchy high concept plot (ninja school!) combined with a very effective voice. In particular, I really respect the second sentence: “Of course, he’s says it all ninja-like, but that’s the gist.” A paragraph about ninja school itself might make a good opener, but this sentence builds a character: the narrator’s father adopts a ninja-like voice to say something as simple as “keep it simple stupid.” Hilarious! Natalie’s paragraph also shows a deft touch by conveying a unique voice without being too chatty. It has a breezy style, but note that other than the above-quoted sentence and the word “dude,” the rest of it is not chatty. Just enough to get to sense of the voice without being over the top. Very well done.

Morgan’s paragraph balances a couple of different elements in a way that I find very effective. This paragraph packs in quite a lot of plot, but that’s not all that it accomplishes. It also conveys a keen sense of style — there’s a breathlessness to the writing that lends a feeling of importance to the descriptions. Also, normally I don’t like it when a series of unknown words and concepts are thrown at me right away, but in this paragraph they are described and named in a way that I can get a taste of the meaning and deduce enough of the world to stay within the paragraph without worrying that I don’t understand everything. And the idea of a twin within a twin…. intriguing.

Steve Axelrod (not the agent, btw) steadily builds a memorable image: a girl walking onto a Cape Cod island without knowing the effect she’s going to have. The details are evocative and memorable, and the flow impeccable. Quite a few people have asked about the closing simile. Normally I don’t care for big bold similes, but this one really works for me. It didn’t take me out of the world because everyone knows what an avalanche is, and it also, in an effective way, contrasts directly with the sun-drenched imagery. It’s also evocative to think of setting an avalanche off with a sigh. It just works.

MA’s was the shortest of the bunch, just two sentences. It wasn’t just the image of blood in the shape of a butterfly that led me to choose this paragraph. Rather, it’s the combination of an evocative opening image along with the description of the blood sparkling on the kitchen floor (two pretty descriptions that contrast with the fact that it’s blood). Plus there’s a certain casualness and distance on the part of the observing character. It accomplishes a great deal in just a few words.

Alexa’s paragraph is a study in steadily building a memorable character. Having read so many paragraphs that began with the weather (particularly bad weather), I was sucked in by the feint that the narrator is describing how the weather would be in one of her mom’s novels. Combine that with a perfectly-described and memorable fashion choice at a funeral (“defiant yellow and movie star sunglasses” just flows), and you have a sense of a very unique individual. It’s all built through imagery rather than straightforward description.

Lastly, Chris’ paragraph snuck in precisely at the Thursday 4pm deadline. It’s an intriguing setup — a group of heliophobes meeting in a strange place with some interesting animosity toward the sun. It’s the combination of a big idea (heliophobes) with small details (the z-shaped ramp, the eggs in the belfry) that makes this come alive.

In the course of reading 1300 paragraphs, certain patterns began to emerge. Now, I’m not saying you CAN’T start a book this way, but there were three prevalent patterns that kept creeping up again and again. Here are some approximations:

1) Surprising sentence. Well, not the surprising sentence per se, but rather the surprising sentence is made more complicated by the fact that it is followed, in fits and starts, by conversational prose that, in its casualness, contrasts with the shocking statement and sets a breezy tone despite the shocking statement. That is, until the reversal.

2) Small, finely rendered observation. This is followed by the particular shape of the moon or the wisps of grass and the particular temperature that still night or perfect sunset that lulls us into a sense of place and setting. And then we linger in that scene still longer to see one more even more finely rendered detail, and still another, leading us to the very thing the author seeks. That is, until the shocking statement.

3) The tough protagonist shudders against whatever bad weather they are enduring. They check their timepiece, or weapon, and go back to the task at hand. Pithy comment. It’s not easy being the tough protagonist.

Again — anything can be done properly, even a conventional setup. But unless it’s deliberate or subverted in some way, it can come off as cliched. So if your paragraph follows one of these forms, be careful!

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who entered! I hope everyone had a good time, and I’m looking forward to having the next contest. Once I’ve recovered.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Sarah says

    Nathan– I TOTALLY agree with you about the anonymous naysayers. It’s okay to THINK that you don’t care for the selections, but to write it, sour-grapes-wise, on a blog? How very Kindergarten.

    It is doubtful that any of those snotty comment-leavers are successfully published writers.

    Negative energy is bad for your publishing karma, folks.

  4. :)Ash says

    Congratulations, Natalie!!

    Nathan, thanks again for doing this. Your comments are always instructive, and reading all the first paragraphs has been a very interesting experience.

  6. Wanda B. Ontheshelves says

    Hi Scott(Thinking Man),

    Re: “Nathan, I wondered if you (or anyone in this community) might know of any good editors in the Detroit area that like working with fiction writing newbies?”

    Well – if you want to pay me to give you feedback, I’m more than happy to! (in Detroit area)

    Have you checked out the State of Michigan website –

    http://www.artservemichigan.org/artserve

    There is a section for writers and also links to websites, that might help you find a local editor.

    ***

    But consider, maybe with a first draft you’re supposed to feel like you’re flailing…and if you’re still not finished, it might be a while before you can even get any benefit out of a (paid) editor…but hey, I’m reasonably priced in the Detroit area!

    Oh well…I just went to the Detroit Institute of Arts yesterday…in a very Detroit-y mood…is your novel set in SE Michigan? When I went down Woodward and saw all the “For Lease” signs…who can take it? I can’t take it. I always think it would be cool to have a “Writer’s Institute” in one of those unused office buildings…but who can afford the rent??? The sheer waste…not what I would expect to feel going down Woodward…NORTH of Eight Mile…new vocabulary entry: Suburban blight…

    Oh well…good luck Scott(Thinking Man)

    Wanda B.

  7. Elissa M says

    Just want to add my congrats. And to thank Nathan for the contest even though I didn’t enter. Simply reading the entries was more informative than many “how to” books I’ve read. Having Nathan’s explanations for his choices is just icing.

  8. Ryan Field says

    “Steve Axelrod (not the agent, btw)”

    I was curious about that. But it didn’t matter. I liked the paragraph before the name registered.

    Good for Natalie.

  9. DCS says

    Congrats to Natalie. My personal runnerup, but all the entries were winners. Thanks to Nathan for volunteering to host. I’m glad you don’t mind typos, but don’t encourage me to skip proofreading, please!

  10. Marianne Sullivan says

    congrats to the finalists and winner!

    I read a good majority of the submissions and
    this contest inspired me to go thru the books I have sitting around here and specifically read first paragraphs. It is very interesting exercise and I highly recommend it!

  14. Elyssa Papa says

    Congratulations, Natalie! And another congrats to all the other finalists!

    And, I loved the breakdown of what drew you to each paragraph and what you noticed. I so can see what I’m doing wrong.

  15. burgy61 says

    Congrats to Natalie on the winning paragraph.

    Thanks Nathan for going through this insanity for us readers. And thank you for giving your reasoning behind your choices.

  16. Bea says

    Great fun! Congratulations to Natalie and the other finalists! Re the patterns to watch for: in number three are you referring to anything that starts with a mention of the weather, or just “toughing-out-the-blizzard/hurricane/scorching heat” scenes?

  17. Gerri says

    I didn’t vote, mostly because none of the pieces appealed to me. But one thing I’ve noticed over time, Nathan, is that your preferences lean towards the literary style. That’s not a good or a bad thing; it merely is, of course. However, it tells me something about what you’re looking for in a sample. It’s an interesting thing to consider.

  22. Scott says

    Well done, Natalie, and thanks for the breakdowns, Nathan.

    I tend to write the openings of my novels like I would a song: tickle them with something light and then roll into something more rich and dense. Perhaps openers deserve more attention than I’ve been giving them.

    Looking forward to the next one!

  23. Folklore Fanatic says

    Congratualtions, Natalie, and to the other semi-finalists as well!

    Also, Nathan, I’m glad you explained why you chose those entries — and that you forgive minor typos (now I know it was the writing and not the missing “p” in that one word, even though I posted to correct it). We tend to become so paranoid about these things, and it’s great that an agent has the patience to explain the thought process.

  24. Deborah says

    Thank you so much for your generosity in holding the competition, going through the vetting process and giving us another window into (at least) one agent’s process.

    Congratulations, Natalie!

  25. BarbS. says

    Congrats, Natalie!

    And thanks, Nathan, for another mini-masterclass.

    Here’s a question: There were 1300-plus submissions, but way fewer than half of the writers had the grace to stop back and say something nice, let alone congratulate the finalists.

    To me, the contest was like sitting around the campfire–or the coffee table–and letting everyone rip a tale. Half the fun is letting your brain relax and be entertained, and half the fun is in being surprised by what everybody else has to say.

    As for my little self…well, I admit, I entered anonymously because The Beloved and a few other readers think I can do no wrong, LOL. (It was the one posted on Dec. 8 at 6:43 p.m., guys!–Ohdear, they’re groaning… )

    Maybe we can have a first-sentence contest?

    Ohwait…”It was a dark and stormy night” is already out there? So is “Call me Ishamel”!? Darnit… :0

  26. Lydia Sharp says

    CONGRATULATIONS, NATALIE!

    Thank you Nathan for your undeserved sacrifices to make this happen. All of us who submitted entries are indebted to you for the simple fact that we received an insane amount of exposure for our work, even if it is still in progress, and only one paragraph.

    THANK YOU!

  29. Jean says

    Congrats to Natalie and the finalists. I like your paragraphs even more now that I’ve seen them through ‘insider eyes’. Thanks Nathan!

  31. JLR says

    Sorry, came in too late to vote, but congrats too all the finalists and the winner and thanks again to Mr. Bransford for hosting this. Very revealing and helpful.

    Jodi

  32. Sarah Laurenson says

    Congrats, Natalie! Can’t wait to read about the ninjas.

    And thanks, Nathan. Fun contest, wonderful entries, great finalists and very informative breakdown of why these were the ones you picked and what to watch out for.

  33. jdi says

    As a matter of interest, Nathan, obviously this competition was all about the first paragraph, but when you are assessing a manuscript, how much weight do you give to the first paragraph in terms of your overall judgement?

  35. BarbS. says

    Gaaaa…The Beloved just pointed out that the question I asked above actually ended up in the cut-and-paste black hole. So sorry for that! Here’s what I meant to say:

    Here’s a question: There were 1300-plus submissions, but way fewer than half of the writers had the grace to stop back and say something nice, let alone congratulate the finalists. SO WHERE IS EVERYBODY? It’s by far more fun to join the party than to hide in a corner, licking your wounds. (Yep, the cliches were deliberate, LOL!)

    Ooooh, look at the word verification: “braties.” There should be two “t’s…”

  39. BarbS. says

    Haste yee,

    Same here–originally! I finally succumbed to the allure of the heliophobes because I’m one of those people who become burnt offerings if they stay in the sun too long. 🙂

  40. mkcbunny says

    Hi Nathan. Thanks so much for the contest. I have a question about “bad weather.” Is the “dark and stormy night” generally considered a cliche/rote metaphor, or does that become less of a concern deeper into a novel?

    Obviously, writers need to rain/snow/otherwise cast weather upon their imaginary worlds, but I’m wondering how much of a pitfall that setting is if it’s not at the beginning of a novel? How about the beginning of a chapter deeper into the book?

    Thanks.

  42. Eric says

    Well done, Natalie. Tops in the biggest contest to date, I do believe.

    Congrats to all the other finalist as well.

    Also, Steve, here’s wishing you all the best with your WIP. I really enjoy your style and would love to see more someday.

    Thank you, Nathan.

  43. Leo says

    “The dark and stormy night” has become such a well known cliche that it’s probably not used anymore. Talk about irony. 🙂

  44. CapitolClio says

    Congratulations Natalie! I can’t wait to read more about the ninjas.

    Nathan, thanks for running the contest. I hope your liver is still intact.

  45. T-Anne says

    Congrats Nat!!!!!! What a holiday thrill!

    OT, for future use, how do you delete a comment once you’ve published it? For a accidental double poster like me this is valuable info. Thanks to anyone kind enough to answer!

  46. RS Garcia says

    Thanks for running the contest. But…is it possible that out of over a thousand entries, next time, we could get maybe an Honourable mentions list? I mean, it would help to see the also rans, because 6 out of 1300 is just so narrow a pool.

    I don’t want to make more work for you, but it would be nice to have the spotlight shine on those who almost made it too.

    I did wonder though, how many of the entries did you actually get through? I mean, it sounded as if your guest picked the finalists. I just wondered if it’s even possible for one person to go through 100 of those without getting fatigued, far less 1300.

    I also wondered how much my decision to post a paragraph in a dialect hurt my chances. I know, I know, there are over 1300 also rans, but I do wonder ::grin::

  48. Anonymous says

    Congratulations to Natalie, and to all the finalists. I couldn’t pick a winner because they were all good, but maybe this is the time to talk about the lost art of being happy for someone else.
    It’s easy to be cheerful when you win, we see enough of it (at least I do) at sporting events (the dancing in the end zone, high fives, etc)but the sour grapes unable to be contained coupled with the drama of wanting the world to know how pissed off you are (a few celebrities, political reporters and athletes come to my mind) have almost made the public expect this. What is that attitude showing to the young ones? You don’t like the answer no, so you try to tear down the one who got told yes? I can just imagine the comments Nathan had to delete. It’s his blog, his choice. and he was even nice enough to explain the process, which doesn’t happen often in the business of literature. On a lighter note, I guess it could have been worse. It didn’t reach, oh say American Idol,the Clay versus Ruben height of animosity. I can’t see Nathan being all Simon Cowellish “Your opening line stunk, you have no talent, you’re wasting your time and mine”
    Thank you Nathan, for just being
    YOU.

  49. slcard says

    Congratulations, Natalie. As one who witnesses up close the youth interest in Japanese martial arts, I suspect you’d be a popular read. Good luck with publication.

  50. Nathan Bransford says

    RS –

    I read every single one, very carefully. Don Draper just helped me announce the finalists. Also he is a fictional character on a television show.

    I will think about doing an honorable mention list. It’s tough though, because I take a really long time to choose the finalists, and I wouldn’t want the honorable mention list to be sloppy, so that would take more time. I’ll consider it though.