Do I sound depressed? No? Give it time.
Usual preface: there were three or four queries over the weekend from regular blog readers that followed the rules, wrote good personalized queries, and were perfectly fine and just weren’t quite for me. Keep on trucking, I’m sure you’ll find the right agent.
Everyone else?
Wow. Let me elaborate: WOW
Here come the stats from the last three days:
Total queries: 93
Young Adult: 16 (this is the first time YA took the lead)
Suspense/thriller/mystery: 14
How-to/Self-Help/Guide book: 8
Historical fiction: 8
Science fiction: 7
Women’s Fiction: 7
Fantasy: 6
Male Ennui: 4
Literary fiction: 3
History: 3
Politics/Current Events: 3
Religion/New Age: 3
Memoir: 2
Screenplay (I don’t represent): 2
Short story collections: 1
Middle grade (I don’t usually represent): 1
Picture book (I don’t usually represent): 1
Graphic novel: 1
No freaking idea: 3
Of those 93, a mere 19 were personalized, or roughly 20%, which is down from the already-paltry 29% last time I compiled stats. And even that number 19 is somewhat deceptive, since at least half of those mentioned the blog but clearly hadn’t read even the Essentials (or at least hadn’t adjusted their query).
And of those 93 I didn’t request any partials.
Some random categories:
Guides to life in prison: 2
Said they submitted because of my physical appearance: 1
Queries for works that the author professed will change the world: 2
Addressed “Dear publisher,” “Dear Sir/Madam,” or to the wrong agent: 5
Said they were “published” without providing publisher and/or year: 8
Sent query letter as an attachment (which I deleted): 1
Began query with an excerpt from book: 2
Received one of those annoying “in order to control spam you are receiving this automated e-mail” messages after sending a rejection: 2
I really do want to say that I appreciate how difficult it is to find an agent, I appreciate that people are thinking of me when they query, and I know it’s not a whole lot of fun to hear agents complain about how hard it is to find new clients when you’re reading their blog and shouting “I’M RIGHT HERE” at the screen. I definitely understand all of that.
But. These queries are really starting to get out of control.
Brother,
Courtesy of your blog and reputation as a nice guy, you are getting “first look” at a big slice of all the queries moving through the industry.
…Which means you are also getting first look at the crap too.
I’ll empathize, but where sympathy is concerned, I’ll spot you thismuch.
My query was quite personal/exclusive and you still sent a form. A personal response wouldn’t have taken near the time it took you to compile the query stats for your blog. I’m not upset; other agents are showing interest. I just followed your advice to the letter.
“no freaking idea:3”
Ouch for them. All that work and no idea what the genre is!
But I’m wondering: I’ve noticed that using the formula of naming genre based on what section your project would be shelved in at a book store isn’t as clear-cut with nonfiction as it is with fiction.
Given that good nonfiction usually is found in the front of the store, the genre name game seems different. No self-respecting writer who doesn’t yet have an agent or publisher could say, “My 55,00-word Nonfiction Bestseller…” without looking like an imbecil! Does the word “nonfiction” suffice if the 2-sentence descriptive paragraph of the work can make the agent drool — or see $$$s?
Cam
You’ve got to chalk it up to the fact that agents are gatekeepers set up to guard the publishers; the reason you’re there is to take the brunt of the masses’ assault so that the pubs don’t have to. That’s how you get paid. So of course you have to deal with a lot of loonies and misguided attempts at publication in order to locate those occassional gems.
Nathan: I’m interested in why you didn’t request any partials/proposals. What was it or were you just generally annoyed?
Thanks Nathan, I needed the laugh! After receiving a (very nice and personal) rejection from the agent I had the most hope for, it was good to get a glimpse from the other side. I’d sent it to you, but I’m pretty sure paranormal romance isn’t your bag (is there a catagory called “Witch Ennui”?). Let me know if you want to receive a personalized, followed-the-rules, perfect query letter just to make you feel better…even if it isn’t for your kind of book:)
Anon 4:58 PM,
You’re whining, and you’re asking for special treatment. Agents don’t owe you anything other than “No” when they’re passing on your work.
Anon 5:16 PM,
[T]he reason you’re there is to take the brunt of the masses’ assault so that the pubs don’t have to. That’s how you get paid.
No, agents get paid by selling books. They answer query letters FOR FREE, out of a sense of professionalism.
anon@4:58-
If you followed the rules and didn’t receive a personalized response I may have made a mistake. It happens from time to time, so, sorry about that.
anon@5:16-
It is in the larger sense our job to whittle things down for publishers, but as jjdebenedictis said, the time I’m spending reading queries is time I’m spending not selling books, which is the job I’m being paid for.
Re: “I’m sure you’ve done this before, but could you clarify your definition of “women’s” fiction?”
And while you’re at it, how about a definition of “men’s fiction” as well? You expounded at great length on The Wire. Would love to hear what you have to say about The Gender (as far as it relates to fiction categories).
I’ll see your unpersonalized queries and match you a rejection! Today I received a perfectly pleasant rejection from an agency. Well, okay, I and about 50 other writers received it with our email addresses all right there in the “to” box!
Kinds doesn’t make a girl feel special, dig?
I pointed the Bcc function out politely to the beleagured lit asst (and I swear I apologized for replying- this was just for the greater good, honest!). Bless his heart, he sent us all a very nice follow up (our emails still exposed to 50-ish of our rejected compadres) calling it a group rejection and suggested we form a support group (lots and lots of caps and exclamation points).
I received it again 12 minutes later. Seems I somehow made a second distribution list.
Maybe that’s where the bad writers go.
He cared enough to reject me en masse on his employer’s behalf three times today.
It’s probably wrong that I find this funny (and will continue to do so for as long as I remain confident that the fifty other rejected writers who now have my email address are relatively stable and just working the game one query at a time).
Thing is, until our red-hot properties make you lots and lots of money, we want something from you and I get that. Still, I like my mass rejections handled in the Bcc field, if only to make me feel pretty.
Mags–
I’m BEGGING you…tell us all the name of the agency, so we don’t end up on the other end of this charming missive.
My husband has Eeyore moods so I could really relate!! Sooooo sorry you had to read all those – and not get to request a single one!
But thanks for sharing – it did give me a smile :o).
I really wish you represented romance suspense with a twist of paranormal, then I’d be querying you too.
But I love your blog and all the wonderful information you impart!
Thanks! And watch out for those protests … I got caught in the middle of the WTO one in Seattle a few years back when I was still teaching at Seattle Central Community College.
~ Jan
It is in the larger sense our job to whittle things down for publishers, but as jjdebenedictis said, the time I’m spending reading queries is time I’m spending not selling books, which is the job I’m being paid for.
Ah! I see what you mean. I hope you’re not kicking yourself about it. Maybe I read too much into it, but it seems like it a bit. It’s like how my job (though not my life goal and only temporary, as a cashier), is to maintain a certain ‘credit blend’ and get people to sign up for credit cards. I can only convince people to do it if they want to. You can only sift out the gems from the rubble or wait/edit current clients projects. I’m getting paid to do the same thing, but I don’t always accomplish it, because of forces outside of my control.
@mags – Can you hint some more as to which agency this is? Pretty pleasssse!
Nathan, you didn’t mention THE HILLS. You must have it saved on the DVR. Watch it when you get home tonight. Last night’s episodes are THE epitome of THE HILLS drama. They will make you forget about all of your agenting woes. They might make you want to crunch on 50 pills of Prozac, but it won’t be query letters that you’ll be thinking about.
anon 10:55am-
Don’t be bitter just because you got rejected.
In the hundred acre wood, Eeyore has just learned that a new guy, named Tigger, has joined the crew. Someone says to Eeyore: “He’s just come!”
Response: “When’s he going?” Poor Nathan. There he goes gathering nutty queries in April, tra-la, tra-la.
mags,
that doesn’t sound like a reputable agency. Or maybe it’s a reputable agency, but you just happened to get a new assistant on their first day, fresh out of school or something, but that is really bad judgement to send a group rejection.
You know, Eeyore is quite endearing in his mopey way. Far better than that speed freak Tigger.
I can’t believe it’s been a year since that male ennui discussion. Miss Snark led me to your blog, Nathan, and I’ve been enjoying it ever since. Thanks for an entertaining and enjoyable year.
It seems like male ennui’s dropped off a bit since.
you’re not bad, mags.
you’re not bad, mags.
you’re not bad, mags.
you’re just special.
you’re just special.
you’re just special.
just like your mom says. 🙂
just like your mom says. 🙂
just like your mom says. 🙂
You need to make a questionnaire for new writers to answer. It can pop up the moment they put your name in the subject field of the email.
Question 1: Does your query start with a rhetorical question?
Question 2: Does your query start out with an actual quote from the book?
Question 3: Truth time. Did you do any research on agents, or did you just print out a bunch of our photos, hung them on the wall, and threw darts to see who would get your first query?
Question 4: Were you the shadowy figure outside my bedroom window holding the 2000-page manuscript? Your sighs of longing kept me up for most of the night.
Depending on the answers, the computer program will automatically give a suitable rejection letter.
A questionnaire. Just a suggestion.
Actually, I’ve decided to drop anyone who blogs from my list of agents to query.
Did you get the guy who attached a nude photo of himself yet? I got that one last week.
No, I’m not kidding.
And they wonder why we delete attachments.
Anonymous 9:34 said…
mags,
that doesn’t sound like a reputable agency. Or maybe it’s a reputable agency, but you just happened to get a new assistant…
Reputable, yes. I suspect the latter is true. Fascinating “reply alls” still coming in.
Deborah B. and Adaora A., sorry! Can’t match his dropping my personal info on strangers by doing the same to him on a larger scale. (I’ll just post silly comments on another agent’s blog instead! You know- the high road!) Don’t worry- I’m assuming rejection #1 was an inadvertant or newbie error, rejection #2 was a poor choice of response to it, and rejection #3… Well… Okay, I’m out of ideas about #3 but I think I’m the only one who made both distribution lists!
Twizzle, ha, ha, and ha! 🙂
That’s amazing, Nathan. But how do you feel about accepting revised queries? What if someone totally revised their query according to you valued advice, and resubmitted it to you. Would it piss you off? Would you automatically reject it? Could a revised query possibly spark your interest?
captain ron-
No, I can’t consider revised queries.
Anon 6:18 AM said:
Actually, I’ve decided to drop anyone who blogs from my list of agents to query.
Then why are you here? Is flouncing off in disdain no fun when there are no witnesses?
@Mags – Oh bore! I’m just messing with you, I know it would be a bit of a compromise, a fiddle, if you were to divulge.
——
I wonder how many query letters addressed you as “Mr. Curtis Brown.”
what does “No freaking Idea” mean?
Like U. curious minds want to know!
Bites tongue until it BLEEDS to restrain comments about how horrible it is that agents get queries.
And by the way, I refuse to do the “kiss up” paragraph. Feel free to delete my query on sight, but if you can’t like my writing without my kissing up, you definitely aren’t the agent for me nor am I the client for you.
There now we agree.
jjdebenedictis- –
You mean it’s not OK for me to read the blog?
Anon 12:21 PM,
You mean it’s not OK for me to read the blog?
Of course it is, but coming to an agent’s blog and saying, “I refuse to query you because you blog” certainly gives the impression that you’re having a snit and would like someone to notice.
If that’s not what you intended, I apologize for my misinterpretation of your remarks, but I am having trouble understanding your rationale. Why do you think an agent would care that you’ve decided never to be his/her client? Most people who do query the agent are never going to be his/her clients.
I’d like to offer a little PSA, if you’ll all indulge me a moment.
Alas, I was among Mr. Bransford’s recently rejected queriers. I’m not ashamed, though at first it might seem like I should be. See, I queried a Children’s Picture Book (and, NO, not based on his appearance…)
Thing is, I wouldn’t have even thought to, based on what I’ve so far read on his blog. Mr. Bransford, you just don’t strike me as a Picture Book kind of guy. But in my catching- up, I came upon an impression that you were open to various genre. Google searches were opening interviews in which you were quoted as saying you were interested in just about any engaging thing. You Never Know, you said in one.
There are so few Agents/Agencies who represent Children’s Books that when the writer devines one, it’s nearly impossible to determine whether or not “Children’s Books” covers “Picture Books”, specifically; that the former is listed in a given resource doesn’t necessarily indicate whether or that the latter is included. Children’s Books run the gammut from your Pat the Bunny-type monosyllabic warm-and-fuzzy board book all the way through chapter books to YA. If you’ve already come across an Agent (say, through a blog) that you wish represented what you’ve written, and then you find out he sort-of might represent what you’ve written and he might request a read because 1)When in Doubt, Query Me; and 2)You Never Know, know what? I’m goin’ for it. Because digging further into the Agent/Agency – I’m here to tell you – doesn’t necessarily clear up the ambiguity. Ergo, the query process: Do you/Would you represent this? It’s not – in my case, anyway (can’t speak for No-freakin’-idea person) – for lack of research. Though, I am polishing my query every chance I get, mindful that, well, okay! Perhaps you might’ve asked for a look had my query not broken a couple of your hard-and-fasts.
I guess my point is that I’m willing to take my share of the responsibility for making your time such drudgery. Truly. And for your valuable time, I’m sorry. And we’re going to have to all just agree to put up with some drudgery (and rejection) if we’re any of us going to make this business worth it for us, as a business.
This is me, sucking it up.
Melissa-
Absolutely no reason to apologize — like I said, I say when in doubt query me and I appreciate that you thought of me.
And by the way, I refuse to do the “kiss up” paragraph.
…agents want “kiss up” paragraphs? Dang. The agent who wants to see my proposal again, once I finish revising it according to her (absolutely brilliant and cogent) suggestions, didn’t get a “kiss up” paragraph. Unless you’re counting “thank you for your time” as kissing up. I just followed all the guidelines I could find regarding what she wanted in a submission. (And added in a single line based on a comment from Agent Manners.)
In the other half of my experience, I’ve done editor work (for a really, really niche market); how well an author follows the rules indicates how easy that author will be to work with. When I can come up with 3-6 people who can adequately cover a subject and rise to brilliance now and then, I have little tolerance for prima donas, no matter how good their proposal is. I’ve been burned before with drama when I ignored that sort of behavior in proposals. And, therefore, I don’t expect any agent to put up with prima dona hi-jinks from my direction.