I grew up in California, which means I called my friends’ parents by their first names and no matter where I am and what I’m wearing, I’d rather be wearing jeans. And as you can tell by the way I write the blog, I don’t really worry about formality.
But lately people have been pushing informality in query letters just a tad too far. At the end of the day, while I’m really not a wild and crazy guy, I don’t think of myself as a stickler. Don’t worry about calling me “Mr. Bransford,” even if we’ve never met (“Nathan” is fine). Don’t sweat a typo. And by all means, crack a joke or two.
But.
With your query letter you are proposing that we enter into a business relationship, and breeziness can be taken too far, particularly when it interferes with conveying the tone and spirit of your project. Yes, be funny and cool, but don’t give the impression that you’re taking the query lightly. With me and with other agents, err on the side of formality.
So for instance, do not call me “Nate,” “Nat,” or “Nate Dogg” (and yes, people do this). Don’t use your language casually, unless you’re specifically trying to convey the tone of your project. And if we’ve corresponded before, please don’t assume that I will definitely remember you — include the backup correspondence so I can refresh my memory.
As always, the goal of a query is to give the impression that you are talented and professional. Don’t lose sight of professionalism as you show your talent.
Nate Dogg signing off.
Linnea says
I suspect a large part of the reason people do that is to create the illusion of an already close relationship with the agent.
Erik says
While I appreciate how to address Nathan, I have to wonder how formal other agents and publishers are – or for that matter, what the standard conventions are.
For example, where I grew up people tend to be known by their last name without title; in my case, “Hare”. It’s not exactly formal, but it isn’t informal, either. In the Midwest, people invariably use first name only. This has caused problems when working with people from Germany, where culture demands that you are very formal with people you don’t know well.
I would guess that the appropriate level of formality among agents is a function of region and age, but when in doubt wouldn’t it be best to be very formal?
But, then again, how do you really feel when someone plays it ultra-safe and addresses you as “Mr. Bransford”? Is there even a tiny penalty for being a bit … rigid and distant?
[I know, the short answer is “Get to know them before you query”, but I like the long answers.]
Adaora A. says
Wow Nathan.
When they called you “Natedog” did they carry on with
“what’s crack-a-lackin?”
Why do I remember you saying in a much earlier blog post that you don’t like being called “Nate” at all. Either my memory is at A-game (as it tends to be sometimes), or something else is afoot. Either way.
I’m not a jean person at all. I can’t stand pants, I never wear them. People do tend to look at me strangely on campus for this.
TTYL,
Nate Doggggggg
Nathan Bransford says
Erik-
“Mr. Bransford” is totally fine, and for other agents, unless you know their preferences I’d err on the side of formality.
ChristineEldin says
Hahahahaha at “Nate Dogg!”
Okay, sorry this is off-topic,
but number 91 reminded me of you. Though I’ve never been to San Fran.
🙂
https://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/
Scott says
So, like, the following’s a bad idea?
Yo, Nate Dogg:
I want to submizzle my shizzle.
Maybe I should see if I can delete the submission I just sent you…
Ello says
I was going to use Nate the Great, not in an informal way, but in a more “All hail the benevolent, gracious and powerful Nate the Great!”
mlh says
So, Nathan, what you’re saying is don’t be so formal as to have a butler hand-deliver the query letter, but at the same token don’t be so informal as to have your butt hanging out your pants while saying “Word Up” all over the letter.
Hear you loud and clear.
pjd says
Do people not realize that there are lots of examples of traditional business letter formatting?
The best business advice I ever got was, “It never hurts to be overdressed.” Yeah, OK, you don’t want to wear the business suit to the company pool party, but the advice is applicable to many business situations. Including query letters.
Anonymous says
I suppose Naterino is out too.
Conda V. Douglas says
Yes, the key word is “business.” That’s the relationship–and that’s the relationship I want with an agent. Sell my novel! Make money! Business!
Josephine Damian says
I too remember your not liking “Nate” which is why I refer to you in my blog posts as Agent Nathan but also “The King of Nice.”
Josephine Damian says
pjd: Thanks for the link. Good advice all around. I’ve said it before, I think these e-mail queries are a mistake because, by nature they are informal communications and un-business like in general. Yeah, I’m just as “green” as the next guy and get why paper queries are bad for the environment, but hell, if agents and writers recycled, then the paper is not wasted.
Adaora: I never heard that phrase before. Now, I’m gonna go around all day saying: “what’s crack-a-lackin?” because of you. lol
Nadine says
I grew up in California and now live in Hawaii which is even more casual – yet I still address all of my queries to either Mr. or Ms. To me, it is just proper etiquette.
La Gringa says
My pet peeve in being addressed is “MS.”
My inner English major screams whenever I see this. It’s always bothered me. I would prefer people just call me “Colleen”.
“Miss” is not offensive in any way and I don’t understand why cranky feminists decided to replace a perfectly good honorific with one that is not actually short for anything.
But I haven’t seen any inappropriately informal salutations in any of my queries so far.
Nadine says
Good to know about the “MS.” – I thought it was a safe bet to do Ms.
Maybe I’ll just switch to full names from now on…
Anonymous says
There is a man in my writing group who slightly rises from his seat, subtly, every time a woman stands.
It is entirely unnecessary, and completely wonderful.
What a man…
Manners and polite behaviors always make an impression.
My brother was a most desired date in high school. One of the things the girls gushed over him about was that he was the ONLY boy, they knew, who actually opened the car door for a girl.
When formalities are voluntary, they probably mean even more.
But I personally, do not want to sit down to eat with someone who burbs or isn’t wearing a shirt or slurps their soup.
I think it is great that blue jeans are the new causal suit, but, my, my, a man sure looks good in those dressy threads too.
Anonymous says
speaking of which,
I have seen more dumpily dressed writers than i could believe possible. I mean, like they sleep in their clothes for days on end like it was a trademark art form.
I mean, even a nice jacket and a classy, fresh, ironed shirt really stand out with blue jeans.
And a tie means to me, you want the job.
Anonymous says
but keep the tennis shoes, they mean you are fun too!
Anonymous says
and cowboy boots…
Anonymous says
As an add on to Anon 12:35, I was raised in a 2nd generation immigrant family. Grandpa and Dad insisted that everyone is “Mr.” or “Mrs/Ms” “whoever” unless and until they specifically ask you to call them something else. To this day I feel wrong calling someone by their first name, first crack off the bat – and I *hate* it when sales clerks do that to me in stores. I’m not stuffy, it’s just that a) I don’t know them, b) it’s such an assumption on their part, and c) I don’t go by my first name (which is on the credit/debit card) I go by my middle name – so their calling me *wrong*!!
I think erring on the side of formal courtesy can’t go wrong. It shows respect for someone else, and it gives them the opportunity to tell you by what name they *would* like to be called.
Err toward formality, dress your best, be courteous – it’s not boring – it’s a tremendous show of respect for others, and it translates so much better across all cultural lines.
J.F.
Anonymous says
It is a tremendous show of respect for yourself too.
Ask yourself, how would I like my talent to dress? act? represent itself?
It doesn’t have to be stuffy either to be elegant or have flair or show individuality. It just needs manners.
Michelle Moran says
My husband is British by way of Zimbabwe, and he always calls my mother Mrs. Moran. After ten years together, I finally told him, “Umm… I think it may be time to use her first name, don’t you?” Though I have to admit, it was really cute!
I always try and err or the side of formality. I don’t think anyone will ever hold that against you, whereas the flip side could be slippery territory, especially in any sort of business relationship, as erik pointed out.
Jackie says
I didn’t use any formalities with my Querries. Natedoo (ha ha, sorry couldn’t resist) I didn’t even form a nice Business Letter. My Query just consisted of the meat. I am a Business person, when doing business, and hate all the fluff and like to get straight to the case. As a social person I love to laugh and joke. What I am reading between the lines is you are suggesting a happy balance between the two?
Jackie says
correction…you are suggesting a more, polite Business Letter?
Marissa Scott says
Nate Dogg? In a query? Why, oh why do people sabotage themselves this way? Insanity is all I can think of.
Even if I had met you somewhere, taking those kinds of liberties is pushing the comfort zone me thinks.
Anonymous says
i have had people shorten my (female) name to a male name -ugh!!!!!
AND
I have heard pompous people formalize a name that is NOT formalized (think “Patti” as assumed “Patricia” or visa versa)
People: NO! DON’T DO IT! NO!
(P.S. Is the “word verification” to insure the writer is not drinking?)
Anonymous says
please walk the line
A Paperback Writer says
Whoa. People actually call you “Nate Dogg” in a formal letter? Oh my.
But perhaps they also show up in their boxer shorts and flip-flops at formal weddings as well.
Honestly, we’re all more comfortable when we can be casual, but there are times when casual just won’t do. A formal business letter is one of those times. Blogging is not.
MsMe says
Nadine, even though La Gringa dislikes “Ms” it is still the only appropriate prefix for a female agent. Why? Because you have no way of knowing her marital status, and you ought not to ask. If you really can’t stand “Ms” for your own aesthetic reasons, simply use both first and last name. But I assure you “Ms” is considered appropriate in the business world, at least in NYC.
By the way, the feminists had a very good reason for insisting upon “Ms.” It’s not fair that a title reveals to the whole world a woman’s marital status, and not a man’s. Just a thought for all those of you in the younger generation.
msme says
By the way, according to Wikipedia:
“Ms. is an English honorific used with the last name or full name of a woman. Ms., like Mrs. and Miss, is a contraction of the honorific ‘Mistress’, which is the feminine of “Mister” or ‘Master’.”
La Gringa says
But dropping “Mrs.” and just keeping “Miss” would have been just as good. It may be accepted but most women I know despise it just as much as I do.
I don’t care what people think of my marital status when the write me, to be honest. As long as they spell my name correctly. 🙂
Mary Paddock says
What a relief to have a line drawn. I’ve actually worried about how much use to make of humor in queries. I have a pretty good idea as to what a business letter should sound like, but queries are also about selling yourself a little and humor can useful in that regard.
With respect to salutations, when there’s a doubt, I opt for full names. It’s simply easier than trying to decide if I’m dealing with a Ms, Mrs, or someone whose name gives no hints about whether they’re male or female.
March 24, 2008 3:58 PM
Other Lisa says
Put me down with a vote for “Ms.” “Miss” just feels weird to me, and I’m not a “Mrs.”
I agree with the poster who said that it isn’t right for a woman’s title to reveal her marital status when a man’s does not.
msme says
La Gringa, I am curious as to why you dislike “Ms.” Is it aesthetic or otherwise?
The women I know have no problem with it. And we both live in New York. Go figure.
Anonymous says
Ms. finally gave me -and other women- a respectable title that did not judge or value us on whether we were mated or not.
As a girl, I liked “Miss” because I was romantic about being single.
But as a fully independent woman, (AND I AM Married)
I hate to think my title is dependent on my marriage status.
When I use Ms. I use it respectfully.
When I receive that title, I feel respected as a professional, regardless of my marriage status.
Anonymous says
In all queries, I go with the standard:
“Dear Mr. FirstName LastName”:
or if it’s a woman:
“Dear Ms.FirstName LastName”:
Don’t see how one could possibly lose with this standard business letter opening.
Cam says
I suppose “Dude” is out of the question, too.
Too bad. I was going to use that one.
-Cam
Anonymous says
Aww, are you sure we can’t call you by Nate Dogg in a query? It’s such a cute nickname for you!
Moose says
Bow wow yippee yi yippee yay.
Furious D says
How about I just call you THE NATHANATOR!
And if you sell one of my novels to a publisher I can call you my pimp!
But in a nice way.
😉
JaxPop says
Being laid back is fine. I prefer boots n’ jeans or, better yet, flip flops n’ shorts, but a query is still a business letter. Being too casual isn’t businesslike. Just because you (Mr Bransford) happen to be a down to earth ‘not full of himself guy’ (so far) shouldn’t change the importance of a respectful approach from those that decide to query you. As Josephine also mentioned – email tends to detract a bit but it’s still best to err on the side of formality & that’s still possible via email.
By the way – I have no problem with using Ms. On the flip side – I HATE it when Ms, Miss, or Mrs calls me ‘Honey’ – ‘Sweetie’ – ‘Babe’ or ‘Sugar’ (pronounced Shugah down here). Unless it’s Mrs JaxPop – after 33 years of wedded bliss (& she’s still a hottie) she can call me anything she wants.
susan d says
I usually use the Ms. or Mr. format when addressing agents or other people I don’t know well, such as someone I’m interviewing. Then if they address me informally or return an email using their first name or a shortened version of a formal name (such as Bob instead of Robert), I interpret (hopefully correctly) this as a green light to address the individual in a more familiar. manner.
Adaora A. says
@moose-
Where are my dogs at?
You were channeling Little Bow or er, Bow Wow, as he is now.
Aimless Writer says
I kinda like that “Nate Dogg”. However here in Jersey we’d be saying, “Yo Nates! How the F are ya?” To which you’d reply, “WTF”.
“S’good.”
🙂
So, you’re saying dat wouldn’t fly in da query?
lol.
Thanks for the info.
Kimberly K. says
Dear Mr. Dogg,
… sorry – couldn’t resist.
This actually reminded me about a web piece I read about interviewing no no’s. I would think that some of these are quite similar in theory. Here are a couple of my favorites:
Applicant claimed to be so well qualified that if he didn’t get the job, it would prove the company’s management was incompetent.
Applicant asked to see the interviewer’s resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to interview him.
Applicant wore a jogging suite to interview for the position of financial vice-president. (Yes, dress codes are getting more casual. But please.)
and my favorite…
Applicant sits down in interviewer’s office, leans back, puts his feet on her desk, and proceeds to tell her why he should have her job.
(grabbed from https://www.gradview.com/careers/big_mistake.html )
susan d says
jaxpop,
Don’t even get me started on the whole sweety/honey topic. I interviewed a swimmer the other day who addressed me as dear, sweetie and honey until I wanted to end the interview with a crazed, ear-piercing scream!
The Anti-Wife says
So I guess Natie Pooh is out too, hunh?
Wanda B. Ontheshelves says
Ms.-ing The Wire
I’m so heartened others have posted in defense of Ms., and I don’t need to say anything at all. But of course I will – working on my website in HTML, so need to keep my hand in the literary pot somehow! Or spoon, or something…
Last week I’d wanted to post about The Wire, but didn’t get around to it. In reading David Simon’s interviews, etc., I’d noted that his experience of the inner city is gendered – one might say, “mistered” – Mr.’d:
He says of the Baltimore Sun: “Whenever they hear the word ‘Pulitzer,’ they become tumescent.”
He says: “…the thing that makes me giddy as a schoolgirl is this…”
He says: “I am your new lord sovereign of buried, latent, subtextual argument. I dragged it past sarcasm, past cynicism, and all the way to balls-out snide. Crown me up and kneel, ya bitches.”
I looked up pictures of David Simon online – he’s a big beefy man, who’d have a much easier time “hanging around” a dangerous street corner (or part of city) than say, a small petite woman…or even any woman for that matter…or even a small man…I knew a small man in Detroit in the early 90s. He was showing me around the city – we went past a certain intersection, and he said, “This used to be Viet Nam.” Because of all the drug dealing. But that day it wasn’t, that year it wasn’t, there was nobody around. All dead or in jail! Even the drug trade has its rhythm, its peak and ebb…
And then he took me to this house whose roof had half-caved in, that had belonged to a dentist. A beautiful house! Full of trash, halfway to your knees, in all the rooms, not the hallways – I wondered if it was to keep people from using it as a crack house, they didn’t want to get high and have to wade through all those magazines and clothes and blankets and whatnot. I mean, it was clean trash, not food or waste or anything. Dry trash. And the woodwork was in excellent condition, just waiting to be stripped to be sold to someone who wanted the authentic touch to their home in the suburbs!
Well, then he took me up into the attic, to show me how the dentist kept bee hives up there! A beekeeping dentist! And so there, in the part of the attic that wasn’t caved in, were the old beehives – boxes containing wooden frames, which were strung loosely with wire – most of the honey and beeswax had been eaten away by mice or whatever, but there was still some clinging to the frames – I asked him, “can I have one of those?” So, it was like chivalry, I’ll say that – and I on principle avoid words like chivalry! – he went from joist to joist over to the beehives (the roof was low) and got me one of those wooden frames strung with wire. Lovely, sweet man!
Get it, wire? Not wiretap wire, or tripwire, or barbed wire, The Wire – but beehive wire. And it still had the scent of honey to it, or beeswax. So that’s kind of my gendered experience of the inner city – my “Ms.-d” experience of it – that’s in my novel – I probably feel about that wooden frame the way some people feel about possessing a Faberge egg, or John Lennon’s psychedelic Rolls Royce, or Harriet Tubman’s gun. So 48 Hours sometimes has episodes about Detroit murders – the Detroit Mayor and ex-chief of staff were arraigned today – our auto industry is disappearing – but I’ve still got that piece-of-a-beehive – and a possible trajectory into the future.
The more I read about David Simon, the more he seems like my long-lost twin brother – well, except that I already have a twin brother. And we’ve had as much conflict as I imagine I’d have had with Mr. David Simon through the years – the wall of gender, scraping away at it with little clamshell words like “Ms.”
TR says
Get any cracks about Nate the Great?
Being old fashioned, I’d stick with “Yo, Dadd-y-o.”