Note: I am no longer a literary agent, this is a blast from the past.
I’m going to break out the honesty today. Weak of heart, cover your eyes. This truth can hurt.
So….. no disrespect to anyone who reads the blog and has queried me recently (I’m sure your query was good), but I’ve really noticed two things over the past couple of weeks:
1) I’ve been receiving way more queries than usual
2) The quality of these queries, on average, is WAY below normal.
Obviously there have been some pleasant exceptions and, if you read this or other agent blogs, even if I passed on your project the overwhelming odds (because you’re awesome and doing your research) are that yours was one of the good ones. But on average, these queries I’ve been receiving lately are way way way worse than normal, like a train wreck on top of a volcanic explosion of cow dung (yay similes!)
What’s going on out there?
On the agent panel at the San Francisco Writer’s Conference we talked about how e-queries, because of their relative ease of use, have an unfortunate tendency to inspire some people to spend less time perfecting their query, somehow leads them to think it’s a good idea to blast the entire industry with one e-mail, and/or prompts them to write a five hundred page query letter (I guess because they don’t have to pay for the paper).
And unfortunately, it’s exactly the type of person who doesn’t take the time to read blogs or research how to write a good letter who sends these frivolous queries, so they’re beyond help. I have no way of reaching these people, via the blog or otherwise. Even if I SHOUT REALLY LOUDLY. “HEY!! PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE NOT READING AGENT BLOGS!!! SHAPE UP YOUR QUERIES!!!” … … … … … See? Nothing.
I’ve even had people ask me for help, I send them a blog link, they refuse to read it and send me a bad query anyway. I had someone today brag that she hadn’t read my blog.
So now I’m in a position where I have to spend a huge amount of time wading through really bad queries to get to the good ones. This has always been a mainstay of the query-reading process and I still like queries (mostly), but the ratio of bad to good these first few months of 2008 has been widening and widening, with no uptick in sight. I have to be out there on the Internet so I can attract the good ones, but I’m drowning in haystacks as I search for needles.
Anyway, meandering post for a Monday. I have no answers! But I’m getting exhausted spending the first several hours of my day wading through a morass of bad query letters. I’m still going to adhere to my policy of responding to everyone who queries me, but anyone who complains about agents not responding to queries should really spend several hours reading through 100+ queries every Monday morning.
Nathan, I sure wished I lived in SF (I’m in the South Bay). I would love to look over your shoulder as you weed through your queries. It would be fascinating to see what you do on a daily basis. Have you thought about writing a book, or is that market (crafting query letters to agents) already over-saturated? Oh yeah, like you have the time, right?
Lisa
Oh, I know that it takes more time and I really do appreciate that problem. I also appreciate that you give me a quick no, Nathan. At least, I can move on. However, I move on with the thought that what I have is worth continuing to query. Maybe somebody should stop me before I query again!
It wasn’t me! I know you don’t do middle grade (very often).
Train wreck. Volcano. Cow dung.
I’d say Bransford has the image thing pretty much down pat.
A growing movement to make agents suffer?
After having spent three years writing my book and having spent three months so far looking for an agent, I really appreciate when I receive any response to my query one way or another. My time is also valuable and when I spend the time, and in the case of snail mail queries, money, I find it irritating and discouraging when I’m completely ignored. Nathan, I hope you press on with the personalized responses – your blog really shows a dedication to helping writers succeed – and I find this to be a breath of fresh air in what often feels like a very impersonal business.
I wonder how many of these bad queries are the tail end of the NaNoWriMo novels.
Nathan,
One thing I haven’t seen any of the agent blogs do is to present some examples of queries that are good, but were still passed on. In other words, there’s plenty of examples of queries thjat are ridiculously bad to the point of silliness, and writers who simply disregard the rules, but it might be instrucitonal to see some queries which do follow the submission guidelines, but were still rejected. Of course, I guess permission might have to be obtained from the submitter, but I think this would give people an idea of what a good letter is like–not a fantastic letter that ended up being from a client–but just a run-of-the-mill decent query that follows the rules but didn’t make it for some other reason.
anon-
Both of my examples of good query letters are by people who are not clients and who I passed on because I just wasn’t the right agent for them.
To Anon 2:07 3/3/08
Re: “Little voice inside my head (one of many) says there’s a better deal out there if I go through the trouble of finding an agent who can snare a better publisher… but I don’t want to bog down folks like Nathan…”
(Folks like) Nathan take:
“…literary fiction, mysteries and suspense, historical fiction, NARRATIVE NONFICTION, business, history, sports, politics, current events, young adult fiction, science fiction and anything else I happen to like!”
Bog away! You’ve already got someone interested in your n/f, that’s in your favor. Roll the dice. Take a chance.
Nathan,
OK, I see. So there are examples like this. Thanks.
Sorry you have to deal with the goobers of the writing world, Nathan.
In the just-as-depressing category … are you ready for the Series Finale?!?! I must say, I’m not too happy with the direction things are going. Looks like we’re in for a gloomy (though hopefully satisfying) ending.
Nathan – hoping my query doesn’t fall into that category! but how long is your response time? maybe this is a crappy place to ask this and i’m really breaking a rule. but I sent it about a month ago and haven’t heard back…
Sadly, I think what you’re seeing is a hazard of the agent’s profession. It seems to wear down every agent sooner or later. Just as, I suspect, many authors get worn down and become snappish from the hazards of their side of the query process.
I recently e-queried an established agency with a new book. This was two years after the last e-query I sent them. In those two years even their auto-generated “we got your query” response has gotten more terse and impatient-sounding.
The availability of spam queries is probably a factor.
There’s also a steep learning curve for authors who are writing their queries. It’s hard to get useful feedback on a bad query, even from a writers group. Also, there is a lot of poor “official” advice out there that recommends some approach or other that is already driving agents crazy. And authors don’t generally get mentors the way agents, who start as agents’ assistants, seem to do.
I think all you can try, short of growing mean and dismissive (which only hurts the authors, makes them pissy, and makes the situation worse for everyone), is to come up with quick ways to filter out as many poor queries as you can. The on-line form is one. Posting subject line requirements and then filtering out any emails that don’t follow the guidelines might be another. Maybe setting up a search filter to catch the worst of the buzz words…
Maybe you could get ideas on one of your “You Tell Me” days?
Nathan, I like your idea of SHOUTING REALLY LOUD. I think I’ll use it from now in in my e-queries to get more attention. Maybe in my snail-mail queries, too.
Unrelated but here it is:
Why don’t I see you on the Curtis brown website. I don’t see Ginger Clarke either. Why is this so?
And I love your blog.
KJ
Sorry I missed the question mark.
KJ
ooo I like the drinking game!!!
sounds fun!
one shot, and I’ll push send
two shots, and I’ll push retract
and second guess myself
three shots and I’m brilliant, I’ll push send three times
four shots and I’ll rewrite an even more brilliant query letter, but whoops, I’ll forget how to use language, but I’ll hit spell check and cross my fingers and have another shot and hop for the best
the whole bottle and I’ll mass mail it everywhere, to the laundromat for cleaning, the bakery for a cake for my celebration party, the mayor for the key to the city…
tomorrow morning, I’ll be under the keyboard wondering if I can get a more appropriate job
with my keyboard,
like in a bar or something…
KJ-
The website you see is Curtis Brown UK. Curtis Brown is a separate company. Our website is under development.
WOW
You even reply to comment questions super quick. Thanks.
You are on top of my agents-to-query-list. I am from India by the way.
KJ
Having not trolled thru 71+ comments, I may be repeating someone else BUT… why not set up a separate mail account for e-queries and then have that send an auto response to those who query via that email address. The auto can give links to your blog/website etc., and tell people to get it right and THEN email another account with their revised query…?? Would only take 10 mins to set up.
Just a thought…
Happy day!
I’ve been reading agent blogs for about a year (yours for about a month.) It’ll take me at least that long to finish editing my novel. My big fear is that after all that time, I’ll *still* write a crappy query.
I think its a blessing agents respond to queries. I’ve sent ones that must have been lost somewhere-because I never heard a word. Others took a year to come back with anything. Of course, the majority respond fairly quickly and the best are when they leave handwritten notes! (I live for those.) What really bothers me is when I get a sliver or half a piece of paper-am I not worth a full sheet of paper? (I admit I haven’t seen one of those in a long time-maybe because I’ve crossed them off my list?)
I figure if an agent responds its because they are being nice, not because they have to.
I’ve never queried you before…but its coming. I think the blogs help us understand a little more about what an agent is up against on a daily basis.
So, Thank you! Most of us appreciate all your help in perfecting our proposal.
I was just having a look on the Query Tracker website, and I took a ‘tour’.
Your name and agency comes up as an example on the tour.
It made me chuckle, coz I’d read your post about receiving lots of cr*p queries recently before I saw the Query Tracker tour. Perhaps that is a reason for so many queries to you. Perhaps Query Tracker has been getting some attention lately by newbies, and they’ve also taken the tour and seen your name and jumped on it.
There are two points I’ve taken away from this blog post.
First, writers who can’t compose a short, decent professional query, need to stop that shit right now! Or, frankly, you need to put away the computers and utilize your God-given talents to better reflect the type of person you are, and that will contribute to the well-being of others.
Second, if I read another agents blog that have these words prominently displayed, “I used to … but … I’m going to reach into my computer and yank you out by your shirt collar.
I don’t let anybody dictate to me on how I’m going to conduct myself professionally, or socially. If I did, I’d pass up golden opportunities to meet some really, really fine people.
It astounds me that so many agents and editors don’t realize that when you punish one group of writers, you’re in effect bitch-slapping us all.
So, how does one handle dealing with two disparate groups of writers?
Easy, you quit worrying about your offended self, and concentrate your emotional energies on the multitude of writers who are grateful, who work hard and do everything necessary to get published.
You do that, and I’m betting the ranch I don’t have yet, that you’ll be a much more successful agent.
Wow, now I don’t feel so bad being one of the people taking their sweet time revising an e-query twenty times (even printing it out to see how good it looks on paper) before sending it. I can’t imagine not doing any research. I certainly don’t want to tick the agent off and have him say, “NO MORE E-QUERIES!”
From my in-box to yours, a bourbon neat is on the way. You so totally deserve it.
Hey, thanks for the quick response. It’s kind of what I thought, too, but I thought I’d seek an opinion from the other side of the table. 😀
Here’s to Tuesday being a better query day!
My biggest issue with queries is every agent I’ve queried (you included) wants them differently. Some are complete 180’s from others so you are constantly rewriting and can never know if you have an honest to god well written query.
I’m really beginning to think finding an agent is lucky at best…
Nathan,
I’m sure none of those queries are quite as bad after a couple glasses of rum. It’s all a matter of perspective…
My theory is that the economy is nose-diving and many people who find themselves downsized out of a job (or who fear they may soon be) have decided to make an easy fortune by writing a book or screenplay. What a simple way to make the bucks roll in! Their primary motivation being cash, they are in a hurry to get it in front of an agent, so why waste time reading query instructions? I base this on several people I know who have recently done and thought all of the above.
time to hire an intern. . .
La Gringa…she is a crafty one, but seriously–have you considered burying a “password” in a weekly post, to test who’s actually reading your blog. You could ask folks to include the “password” in their subject line. It’d be fun, like a Li’l Orphan Annie Decoder Ring.
Hanging out at a couple of writers forums online, I can pretty well guess where all those heinously bad and careless queries come from. The folks who troll the board, not looking for advice, but just looking for names and e-mail addresses of agents.
The thing that kills me is that you make it so easy to write a good query. Right on the front page of your blog – all you have to do is scroll down to the links and there you go – here’s what I like, here’s what I don’t like. Sooooooo easy.
How can people miss that?
The human capacity for self-delusion is limitless. I’m not sure who said that, but, Nathan, you are probably more a witness to that than anyone. That quote also makes me wonder – yikes! I may be one of them!
As SEX’s “friend” I’m must say I’m disappointed that she didn’t express her misgivings about my multi-query plan in advance–I did ask her about it before I did it. I’m also disappointed she didn’t tell me about the discussion here. 🙁 In fact I wrote my own query letter, the service just emailed it out, and I am pleased with the response. For my previous book I spent well over a year querying one-at-a-time after carefully doing research etc. and didn’t get any bites. This time, I did notice Agent Nathan has not responded… 🙁
TRYING to resist “Friend of Sex” jokes… ; )
Nathan – how do you feel about re-queries when a narrative that you thought sounded interesting, but ultimately passed on, is redrafted and/or improved?
And I just want to add that I love your blog and have found it immensely helpful even though I’m fairly new to it. Thanks for taking the time to bestow your knowldge upon us! 🙂
Thanks Nathan… that is about the most reassuring thing I’ve read this week… right up there with the Catholics deciding pollution is a sin! 😉 I queried you recently, and I spent a good day’s work on writing that query so I think it’s reasonable to hope it wasn’t one of the toxic ones… It’s so good to know I can still expect an answer eventually, even if my book’s not right for you as they say.
As a young first-time novelist I find it hard to say how grateful I feel for the “I reply to every query” policy; just knowing my words wouldn’t fall into the complete void is what gave me the courage to start querying at all. I appreciate how hard you’re trying not to go back on it.
Here’s my suggestion: if you alter it just slightly, you could make your life easier and still ensure that responsible writers will always get an answer. Promise to respond to every query if they keep it to under 1000 words. Or less, if you like. Besides eliminating the “ten pages of slush” queries, it would force people to write their query in a word processor (unless they want to count their words by hand!) instead of just shooting off an email. You wouldn’t have to count the words, just have a fair sense of how much space in your email window 1000 words fills up. (Rounding up just a little of course.)
And thanks, again!