E-MAIL UPDATE: My work e-mail is now working again, so please feel free to e-mail me queries and other work-related matter. Thanks for your patience. My incoming mail from the past day should still reach me despite the error messages you received, so please hold off on e-mailing me again unless you don’t hear from me by tomorrow morning.
Now for the SUFLC.
Before we get to the nominees, I’d first like to thank everyone who entered — this was a ridiculously difficult job Anne and I had, and we were both very impressed by the quality of the nominees. So give yourselves a big round of applause, pats on each other’s backs, and heck, a few rounds of “For he/she is a jolly good fellow/lady” wouldn’t be unwarranted either.
Speaking of Anne… how can I thank Anne enough for helping me with this huge task?? Have I mentioned Good Girl Lit? THE BOOK OF JANE? CONSIDER LILY? EMILY EVER AFTER? Let’s see what else… Oh! I promised Anne everyone’s firstborn child. Hope that’s ok.
So. What makes for a good first line? GOOD QUESTION. Anne and I tried to judge these genre-appropriately and went with our gut instincts about what grabbed us. You will see from the finalists that they are on the shorter side — I’m not opposed to longer first lines, but word choice and flow is just so important and I found that it was harder to maintain over a longer first line.
But really, in describing what makes a great first line, I think Anne said it best in one of the many e-mails we sent back and forth trying to narrow down the list:
“In looking over the finalists, I realize I tend to like the ones that leave you wanting to know what they mean. They don’t necessarily ask a question, but pose a situation that you want to know more about. I guess that’s what a first line is supposed to do—draw you in—but it’s interesting to see how it works.”
Couldn’t have said it better myself. In fact I didn’t say it better myself.
Without further ado, here are the nominees. Remember, please be an honest voter and also post in the comments section who you voted for and why. Write-in votes need to be non-anonymous. Voting will be open for three days and will close whenever the widget decides it’s time to close — sometime Sunday. Thank you again to everyone who participated!!
I’m going to list the nominees here because the voting thingie limited me to 100 characters and one of them had to be shortened to fit. In no particular order:
“There’s this girl I’ve never met that I know everything in the world about.” – Eric
“His hands just looked dirty to casual eyes, a slight darkening on the knuckles, a shadow on his palm.” – Conduit
“Brooklyn didn’t know very much about me, which was exactly what I needed in a friend.” – CC
“That summer, the arsonist struck every home on the block but ours.” — jeanne
“When Earth exploded we knew there was going to be trouble.” – JD (Myspace)
“Some people have to try really hard to be a princess, but I am lucky because I was born one.” – Renee (Myspace)
“I’d only been in love with her for ten minutes when everything turned to shit.” Derek
“The footprints ended abruptly, just as the boy’s parents had said they would.” – anon
UPDATE: I’m switching over to write-in votes due to irregular activity. Sorry for the inconvenience. I’m all for spreading the word on the Internet, but it’s not fair to the nominees when so many people are coming to the site from one specific place. This should be a contest based on merit — if you are spreading the word on the internet please do not tell people who to vote for. Hopefully this will work. Anonymous votes will not be counted.
JMP says
I voted for:
“That summer, the arsonist struck every home on the block but ours.” — jeanne
I think it carries with it a large implication, and I wanted to know whether I was right about that, and everything that comes with it.
mkcbunny says
Thank you to anon and sue L for your comments.
“Direct,” “strange,” “humorous,” and (I hope) “interesting” are all words I like to think describe my WiP. So I’m pleased to hear that the opener brought them to mind.
Matt says
I realize you said no anonymous votes, but I’m going to have to vote for anonymous.
“The footprints ended abruptly, just as the boy’s parents had said they would.” – anon
Also, Phoenix’s line should get honorable mention, ’cause it was pretty darned funny.
Maya Reynolds says
My final decision was between Derek’s and Jeanne’s.
This may be unfair of me, but I think there is more pressure on Derek to follow through on his first line than there is on Jeanne. She’s already established her storyline. If he doesn’t have a strong follow-thru, it all over for him.
For that reason, I’m going to vote for Jeanne. And I readily admit if I had seen Derek’s second line, my vote might have gone the other way.
But this was very, very tough. I liked all the lines a lot.
Great job, Nathan and Anne.
Curtastrophe says
For those of you who are interested in other completely subjective albeit “unofficial” SUFLC lists here a few links:
Click Here
Here
Annnnd…Here
Kathy says
Well, I agree with the other posters: the finalists are inspiring.
Of course, I’m disappointed mine wasn’t on the list, plus no one even mentioned it as a possible. (Keep repeating to self: It’s not me they’re rejecting; it’s the writing.)
I give my vote to eric for the girl s/he knew everything about but had never met.
I’d picked it as one that caught my interest. Who was the narrator and who was the girl? And why did s/he know everything about her?
P.S. The website asked me to reenter the letters, so forgive me if this gets posted twice.
Natalie says
Thanks for your write-in vote, Katrina! I did delete my line, actually…after reading everyone’s comments about the best first lines being short, I sheepishly pressed the delete button before slinking away to rethink my line. Anyway, it went like this: Here’s the thing about being sixteen and having a pregnant mother: everyone knows my parents still do it.
Of the finalists, I’m casting my vote for CC…there’s voice, mystery, and it makes me want to keep reading. That said, it’s a tough choice with so many other good ones!
jjdebenedictis says
jjdebenedictis! Where you at?
*waves pom-poms*
*shakes booty*
You-can-dooo-eet, Con-doo-eet!
(But I already voted.)
reality says
Tough choices to make: my vote is for Jeanne and the arsonist. There is an element of danger and mystery in the line, but the voice is friendly. And that grabbed my attention.
btw: I have been studying First lines in published novels and most of them do not raise the stakes immediately.
Also when I browse a book, I end up reading the first page or two, to get a feel of the writing and sample pages from between.
Nathan at the risk of being on your ignored list; how about a first page contest. And you can take two kids each.
Or how about allowing the top 20 to post the first page and see if the voting changes or not.
Of course we love you and treat you like a pet guinea pig.
Stephen Parrish says
Conduit. The others are great but lack subtlety.
FrostIntoFire says
I’m going to vote for CC “Brooklyn”. I like the idea of Renee’s line but it doesn’t flow right for me.
alternatefish says
derek.
Agnieszka says
I vote for CC. 🙂
JaxPop says
I’m going with ‘Brooklyn’- The entries & comments overall were great – not to many in ‘just fine’ category. I do think that if Ann had stayed in the ‘competition’ she would have made the finals with a great shot at winning the whole enchilada. Her writing partner needs to re-think using that line. (Wonder what line they actually decided on? Hmmmm)Thanks Nathan for taking on this challenge & your continued encouragement – it’s a great blog. Thank you Ann for helping the poor guy out &, indirectly, for reminding me that I do need an oil change (appointment on Tuesday). Good job everyone.
JaxPop says
Can’t stand it – OCD kicked in – typo on my comment above – The word is too not to – Ugh!!! Have pity on me – I’ve been up since 3 AM (EST) drove 80 miles & had only one cup of gas station coffee that tasted like cat____ – well you know. I’ll be stressed all day now.
Pam Halter says
I vote for JD’s “When Earth exploded we knew there was going to be trouble.”
Sci-fi AND humor … gotta love it!
Jess says
I vote for CC, but I agree the “very” isn’t necessary.
The line drew me in best and had an honest tone to it I liked.
Jengt says
I’m voting for Derek. It’s only one line, but I already love the voice.
Josephine Damian says
jjdebenedictis: Was just giving you a shout out to join in the “Conduit Girl” dance routine.
Natalie: If the contest had been divided by genre (note to Nathan – how about a genre specific first line contest each week until we run out of genres? – I think that sound we all just heard was Nathan tearing out his awesome head of hair 🙂 – oooh the erotic romance first line contest would be quite interesting! :-0) – your line about the pregnant mom would have been on my list. The same goes for many others (except for all those already dead bodies).
Also, I feel that my opinion would have been different about the ones I picked, and ones I didn’t pick if I’d seen a second line or first paragraph.
Many a promise of a dazzling first line goes unfulfilled when reading on; many a less than stellar first line had been redeemed, clarified or expanded upon when read in context with the rest of the opening paragraph.
Nathan, an opening paragraph contest? (I think THAT sound I just heard was our host shooting his computer).
Matt: I think what Agent Nathan meant is that the voter can’t use an anonymous account to cast a vote, but the first line contender can be anonymous (many were) and it’s cool to vote for them.
It’s also cool to vote for Conduit. 🙂
MelodyO says
“That summer, the arsonist struck every home on the block but ours.” — jeanne
It was incredibly hard to choose, but if all the books were sitting in front of me, this is the one I’d pick up to read.
To all the non-winning writers who are thinking “does this mean I suck?”, go to the book store and read the first line of a few published books. Amazing first lines are hard even for published writers. :0)
PS I read every single contest entry, and after I was done the only line that stayed with me was,
“Steve Strohman peered over his gray cubicle wall, a little bald prairie dog checking for coyotes.”
This would have been my winner. ::buys the book::
Mary says
Yay! Internet is cooperating long enough to vote. My favorite is Eric’s. Makes me want to know more.
The Bag of Health and Politics says
I vote for JD’s.
DeadlyAccurate says
I, too, would love to see the first paragraph (if one exists) of the chosen ones.
Kathy, I wouldn’t worry about it. There’s nothing wrong with your entry (despite your narrator’s assertion to the contrary). It’s simply a case of a first line that requires the lines that follow it to be as effective. Just as the first line of a joke is ineffective without the punch line, not every line in a book is so amazing that it can be pulled out of context and still be amazing.
And thanks to everyone who mentioned my entries. I’m honored.
Marissa Doyle says
I vote for Anonymous and his/her footprints. Wonderfully eerie beginning.
Anonymous says
A comment for Kathy:
You weren’t rejected, you just weren’t selected — big difference! Remember that the list of entires was very, very long. Also, you don’t know how many of these people are published, or may have been writing since before you were born! And it’s not personal.
However, if you would like some unsolicited advice, I will say that your line (“It’s just wrong, Melissa thought.”) struck me as insufficiently specific to pique my interest. Many things happen that are “just wrong,” and you didn’t really give us any clues as to WHAT might be wrong, nor WHO this Melissa is. If you want to get the reader imagining things, you need to give him/her something to start with, a bit of the picture, as it were.
I hope this makes sense and is helpful!
David says
RE: “I’m not opposed to longer first lines, but…” – Nathan
Late entry: “Hey, Ump, where’d they put the goalpost?”
Alternate: “Well, ya see that-there letter ‘O’ on that-there billboard up on that-there roof over there?”
sunjunkie says
Wait… what?
mary paddock posted “As a writer, I know the rule about starting a story out with dialogue being a technical “no-no” (though I have no idea what committee voted that one in and can only assume it was on a slow day).”
I’ve read plenty of books, articles, blogs, etc. on writing, but I’ve never heard this rule.
What about Terry Bisson’s 1991 Nebula nominee that’s *all* dialogue? https://www.terrybisson.com/meat.html
Or Alcott’s _Little Women_? (“Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents,” grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.)
Or McCullough’s _Caesar’s Women_? (“Brutus, I don’t like the look of your skin. Come here to the light, please.”)
Or White’s _Charlotte’s Web_? (“Where’s Papa going with that ax?” said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast.)
Is this a new rule? Where did it come from? I’m confused. Anyone have more info on this?
Nathan, can you be persuaded to weigh in on this? (Ya know, in between tabulating votes…)
Vinnie Sorce says
Eric gets my vote:
“There’s this girl I’ve never met that I know everything in the world about.” – Eric
Graham says
My vote is for Derek. It makes me want to know what happens next. My runner up vote would have been for Eric (same reason).
Liz says
My vote is for Anon. Eric was a close second.
Peter Hannan says
Mr. Bransford;
Even though it wasn’t nominated, even though I didn’t know about the blog or the contest until one minute ago, I cast my vote unhesitatingly for this undeniable classic:
“I smelled her before I saw her.”
Super Goofballs #1: That Stinking Feeling
By Peter Hannan
Sincerely, without a trace of bias,
Peter Hannan
ps. Hoping for a write-in groundswell.
https://www.peterhannan.com/
Margaret says
My vote is for Jeanne and her arsonist. Well, arsonist line, but if “the arsonist” didn’t hit your house, you’re gonna be a suspect, right? As others have said, it drops you in the action and gives me a feel for voice and background.
And I vote for Nathan for ‘most optimistic helpful agent’ of the moment.
burgy61 says
I am casting my vote for JD’s entry, it brigns several questions to mind. Are they on the moon, a space station or flying across the country in a jumbo jet?
I would read on just to see where they were when the earth blew up.
sharon says
My vote is for “footprints”.
Brandi. says
My vote:
“That summer, the arsonist struck every home on the block but ours.” — jeanne
Miri says
Tossing in another vote for:
“The footprints ended abruptly, just as the boy’s parents had said they would.” – anon
I’m a sucker for kid-adult relationships, and this promises some interesting parent-child moments.
julief says
I vote for Conduit. It’s so subtle that I’m left wanting to know so much more.
Admittedly, though, there’s so many good ones that this vote is more based on my current mood than any true comparison of skill and talent among the nominees.
Topher1961 says
Alas, my imperious curse, squarely leveled at Nathan, struck Josephine Damian instead, and he didn’t pick mine.
What great first lines. My favorite isn’t on the list. I vote for Eric Hill’s.
“It was a time of Miles,Coltrain,and Warhol; a time when the answer was blowing in the wind and we were all Dharma bums howling on the Coney Island of the Mind while the English were reinventing Rock-n-Roll and men eighteen to thirty-five were looking for some way out of the draft.”
This is the first line
from his novel ‘DISCONTENT’
I like the promise that the rhythm and context sets forth. More than all the others, I wanted to read what came next.
Speaking of that subject, it would be fun to see what some of you did say next.
Robbie H says
Another vote for ANON and the disappering footprints. On the assumption, of course, that it’s not because he’s walking to the edge of the sea and the tide’s washed away a set of prints. Also on the assumption the kid’s parents are either missing or dead and he’s following some type of directions that will help him on a quest. 🙂
Helen says
All of these are fantastic, but I am voting for Eric.
Pridwynn says
I’m Pridwynn – I’ve commented a couple times on your myspace..
Anyway, I’d like to vote for Eric, the “There’s this girl I’ve never met but I know everything in the world about her” or something to that effect. I’m voting for that one because that is definitely something I would read. If that’s a book, I bet it would be mysterious and mundo interesting. So yup.
=D
Artemisin says
I’m voting for Jeanne.
If voting twice is allowed, I’d like to give Renee another vote.
Do you know if any of these belong to a story? Now I’m left wanting more.
Lafreya says
I vote for ANON,
Thank you to everyone who mentioned my entries . I am so honored
Karen
https://lafreya.blogspot.com/
Tom Burchfield says
Sorry I’m late to this, as I was away on a research trip. I’m going to vote for Brooklyn’s.
Thomas B.
https://tbdeluxe.blogspot.com/
Eileen says
These are all great- but I’m in for Derek.
Curtastrophe says
I vote for Derek.
Anonymous says
I vote for Derek.
Nathan Bransford says
Reminder: anonymous votes won’t be counted. Please leave your name if you want to vote.
Phoenix says
Thanks for the nod, Matt! You’re probably the only one who read it all the way through :o)
LindaBudz says
Great choices … I vote for Derek.
Eric’s and the one about Brooklyn had me interested, too.